‘’TO BUY - OR NOT TO BUY - THAT IS THE QUESTION.'’

In today’s world, you and I are constantly bombarded by all kinds of people eager to sell us something, and that’s perfectly fine - it IS the American Way, after all. It only becomes a problem when it starts to become difficult to sort out the values frm the worthless, the good from the bad - the wheat from the chaff and all that good stuff, right?

Well, we once faced the same dilemma ourselves, so long ago we established what is called the DDD (DAX DANDY DOZEN) a group - that has grown far beyond the intial mere twelve good men and women - which regularly acquire for their use various products as advertised in standard media across the land.

They/we do not pretend to be of the calibre of the venerable ‘’Consumer Reports'’ type of review board Indeed, ’tis doubtful that the good people at CR would lower themselves to test the mostly picayune items tat we critique in this feature. But we know that most people are like us and they buy and use products the type that we DO cover.

The DDD (sometimes referred to as the DAX DIRTY Dozen, if they find a product they really hate!) report their findings to DAX. Sometimes, the ol’ Chief DAX-DOER ‘’hisself'’ here gets into the act and reports on some product, as well. Perhaps, the following reports can help you decide whether you want to part with any of your hard-earned on the products described.

-Dean

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CARLTON SHEETS REAL ESTATE PROGRAM

The latest incarnation of this twenty-year classic continues to be mostly marketed via well-produced 30 minute television infommericials, but with a twist made necessary by declining sales utilizing the long-of-tooth approach that had previously worked so well for other marketers.

Currently, the program is being offered on a 30-day trial basis for a mere $9.95 plus a pricey shipping cost of $24.95 - both non-refundable.

This proves to be an excellent ploy to place numerous copies of the package in the hands of would-be buyers who otherwise, would never consider spending the actual (and ultimate) price up-front.

Whilst, as stated, the new marketing technique is brilliant for Sheets and company, it does make for potentially disturbing consequences for the ‘’buyer'’ as well as the direct marketing industry:

This particular set-up is the epitome of the once-popular and much-hated negative option made infamous mostly by book and record clubs. Indeed, the practice came under Federal scrutiny and fire from consumer groups because those who initially signed up (generally, with no money expended or often just a penny, nickel or dime), later had to make a specific effort to cancel succeeding shipments, elst they would be charged - and hounded - for the monies owed.

Essentially, that routine has been cleaned up but still operates under different guidelines which are not quite as usuary as they once were.

If one wants to try the Sheets program under the non-refundable $9.95 + $24.95 shipping offer they MUST provide chargecard data - the offer is not available under any other payment structure. Here is the first very odd and troubling fact:

Nowhere during the infommercial is the ultimate total amount stated! It could be fifty bux or fifty thousand bux - one is never told. In the fine print however, it is stated that the trial fee and shipping (totalling $34.90) are not refunded.

Also not mentioned is that if a person does not wish to purchase the course (which, unfortunately is an automatic ‘’negative option'’ FACT of the promotion) they must also spring for the return shipping costs. Okay, even with Internet tracking option the actual shipping cost is just $4.07 - far from the $24.95 initial non-refundable figure the consumer pays!

All of which brings up an interesting fact that many mail order neophytes may not realize: At a $34.90 total dicker (as the old m.o. pros used to call it) one can make pretty good money - even if most of the ‘’buyers'’ return the merchandise!

We’ve always considered that just plain bogus and it is one reason we have never in our 42 years offered any sort of return refund or exchange policy. Indeed, for the first two decades we even paid 100% of all shipping and handling costs!

The foregoing having been said, there are certainly numerous valuable bits of information available in the Sheets program - especially, as regards preprinted forms of all sorts which a practictioneer could duplicate and use to advantage. Indeed, a serious real estate investor could no doubt save the price of the entire program just on the forms alone, if they would otherwise hire an attorney to draft them.

We do take issue with several aspects of the Sheets program - and the first may seem the oddest of all:

There is literally too MUCH data presented and it comes in many forms some of which are by customer choices: VHS videos or DVDs, audio cassettes or Cds, three separate spiral-bound books and assorted and sundry other items - all packed very professionally in a large binder. The problem:

So much of the data is redundant and for a very long time as one scans the data they get the impression that the material presented is little more than a continuation of the infommercial that caused them to ‘’bite'’ in the first place!

That is to say that, over and over, Sheets himself keeps reinforcing the decision of the viewer or listener of their smart decision TO get involved and presents numerous students (as he calls them) to relate their personal stories of success. All of that is good - excellent in fact - when one is drumming up the sale, but once landed, most will want to get on with the thing and learn all they can quickly.

Quickly, is NOT going to happen, because again,. one must wade through many, many HOURS of watching, listening and reading - yet, here is what we consider the most peculiar fact of all:

There is absolutely no linear explanation of exactly how Sheets suggests one should make money with his program. True, it’s all about acquiring real estate - but to what end? Does he mean for his students to buy and fix up properties and sell them? Should they buy properties and rent them out? Mortgage them? - and perhaps most egregious, nowhere that anyone around here could find, is a simple formula presented to guide a student to establishing the current (or eventual) value OF a given property!

I mean, if someone offers you an eight-unit apartment building for $200,000.00 do YOU know how to instantly determine the true value as it sits there now - and/or after you have (perhaps) spruced it up? That is extremely vital knowledge to possess - especially, if you are planning on putting YOUR $$ on the line!

But aside from the materials seemingly causing one to jump all over the place in an effort to ascertain exactly what the man is getting at - and again, assuming one has many DAYS to expend on perusing the materials - we’d say that for the novice real estate investor it’s a valid consideration, especially, for the legal documents, contracts, etc.

Just be prepared to be confused and annoyed as you hear certain things repeated that have little to do with the subject matter - only your brilliant decision to agree to the trial - and presumably, go on to allow your chargecard to be debited for the full amount.

Oh yes: The actual total cost for this deal if you fail to call, get a Return Authorization Number (RAN) and then actually return it after the 30-day trial - is $334.86. But you will not find that data in either the TV infommercial NOR on the website until AFTER you have actually placed your order and provided your chargecard data! I do not like that - it’s not right.

If you’re struggling with the seldom-used term that describes the foregoing critical review, it is ‘’Damning with faint (or feint) praise'’ - a favorite of the late Jerry Buchanan of T.O.W.E.R.S. newsletter fame. He once lived in Seattle at #1 Knob Hill or as I used to address him (at) #1 Snob Hill - HA!

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$500.00 A DAY!

Advertised in full page ads in publications such as SPARE TIME OPPORTUNITIES and other biz opps for $29.00 ($24.00 + $5.00 first class postage). DISCOVERY PUBLISHING, 332 Bleeker St., Suite K-22, NY, NY 10014.

No way to know WHO put together this spartan 19 page pamphlet which apparently was originally intended to sell for $39.95 as imprinted on the cover. No one steps forth to take a writing credit for the piece, but several names appear in the ads which sound like pseudonyms: John Matthews, Steven Johnson, Joe Parsons, etc.

This is a really pathetic, blatantly misleading offer. Throughout the full page ad - from the sub-head on - we keep seeing variations of this recurring theme: ‘’You will receive a $500.00 check just for mailing out the special letter I give you.'’

Okay, let’s see about that:

THE ’special letter’ (singular) is actually, we learn, some 2,000 letters which you must have printed and folded at your expense. Plus . . . TWO envelopes (a #9 and a #10). Plus . . . you will need to rent mailing lists and of course, buy postage.

At that point (before labor costs for labelling, stuffing, sealing, affixing postage and dropping at the post office), you’ll have invested a minimum of $1,450,00 - and that’s if you ’shop around.’

What you’re doing, of course, is promoting these folk’s products - nothing wrong with that, if the products were of a perceived value - but they are not, because all you are selling is the chance for someone else to sell the same old/same old. This is frequently called pyramiding in the industry.

Now, IF you manage to actually make any sales - your commission would be a meager 50%! One half of a $24.00 dicker doesn’t provide you with any margin for error, whatsoever. You’d need to sell at least 125 of those books just to break even - and that’s if you didn’t pay yourself anything for all the work to get the 2,000 pieces in the mail! Now get this:

That figures out to over a 6% response! That will never happen with this deal!

This entire scheme is the biggest crock we’ve seen come down the pike in a long while! Here is sentence number four from the first paragraph in the ad: ‘’You’ll receive a $500 check every time you mail my special letter . . . GUARANTEED!'’

Really? Just how could that be? If a customer bought the item advertised in your letter - even if DISCOVERY gave you 100% of the money - you’d only have $29.00: That’s the product’s full cost INCLUDING postage! Seems to be $471.00 missing somewhere in this deal!

FURTHER DATA

Various items mentioned in the pamphlet were missing - someone had simply failed to pack everything!

Cost was $24.00 plus $5.00 SPECIFICALLY designated for First Class postage only (NOT for handling costs): Actual postage for this light weight product: $1.01!

Ad promised ‘’orders shipped same day received.'’ Ours was not shipped until 3 full weeks after the fact.

The original ad (only) touts a MONEY BACK GUARANTEE: ‘’If you don’t IMMEDIATELY receive a $500 check you will get a 100% refund!'’ (Of $24.00? $29.00? - don’t know - ad doesn’t say). Indeed, nowhere in the pamphlet does it mention anything about the guarantee or the $500.00 check that you will get ‘immediately,’ etc. We bet one thing: You’ll get a 100% NOTHING refund - like virtually all others who make such ridiculous claims.

A really silly aspect of this program: You are to make up your own PIN (Personal Identification Number)! Many years ago, when we pioneered the concept of using a PIN for dealer identification purposes, we experimented with allowing dealers to make up their own PIN, initially. From just the first 10,000 dealers who signed up we had a plethora of identical PINs and the biggest mess straightening out the thing you could imagine!

ABOUT WEASEL-WORDED GUARANTEES

Like most MLM junk, weasel-worded guarantees that so many fly-by-night operators ballyhoo for the unsuspecting customer are not worth the paper they’re written on.

At DAX, in our 44 1/2+ years of operation now, we have NEVER offered any sort of a refund, return or exchange policy for anything. To do so, is plain stupid. First, there is an increasing cadre of ne’er-do-wells who will literally order ANYTHING if they think they can get it and get their $$ back.

I often wonder if those sorts have ever waltzed into their local Cadillac dealer, bought a flashy new model, driven it around town for a spate - and then taken it back to request a refund . . .

Also, if you honestly describe what you’re offering, the only time you ever get a disgruntled purchaser is if the character is too dumb to understand what you’re telling him or her - or if it was their intent all along to just rip you off. We have always counselled direct marketers to avoid offering any kind of guarantee or warranty as the same is counter-productive on several levels.

Contrary to a belief in some ill-informed circles, there is NO law, rule, regulation or requirement for ANY business of any kind in this country either to offer a return policy or to honor any ‘unspecified policy.’ That goes for your local retailer as well as all mail order firms.

Any retailer MAY grant returns, exchanges or refunds if they feel it necessary to entice buyers to their doorstep - but in no way are they required to do so and the more established ones tend to shun such a policy.

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THE DDD IS BACK TO FULL FORCE {AND CRITICAL CRITIQUE!}

Here’s an amalgamation of data gathered in recent months by our own DDD (DAX Dandy Dozen) - those stalwart men and women who report to us the truth about various products, services, etc., they have acquired on the open market and assessed.

Please note: A couple months ago we offered DAX-DOERS a chance to join the ranks of our DDD - and we now have all the participants with whom we can properly work, therefore, that offer is discontinued for now.

ORECK ROOM AIR PURIFIERS

The first thing you need to realize when you see the non stop teevee commercials for this product is that much of what you hear are outright lies. We ourselves (as well as many DDD) bought the purifiers and have established that as fact (regardless of claims made in the advertising):

1. The machines are NOT silent! Even when on the lowest setting (ironically called ‘’silence'’ (NOT ‘’silent'’) the thing is very noisy.

2. Despite the ‘’main claim to fame'’ of this product, i.e., that no filters ever need to be purchased or replaced, the first thing the buyer discovers is that, indeed, one MUST purchase charcoal filters and replace them about every two months! They are not cheap, either - around $45.00 with s/h for two pairs!

In the teevee commercial, you are told that you can place the machine anywhere - on a table, nightstand or mount it on the wall. However, NO brackets to allow one to mount the device on the wall are included!

The commercial also clearly states that no special cleaning is required - just rinse the core unit under a faucet as needed (about every month, we learned). Yet, in the literature that comes with the machine, there is a special cleaning chemical which is recommended that you buy and use each time you clean the beast!

Really strange: In the instruction manual no prices are given for the extra 3-4 items that you will need to keep your Oreck air purifiers motating! You must phone their order department to discover that sad news! If we were suspicious types(!), could it be so that their sales people have a crack at increasing your order total?!

When we (and other DDD) complained about the foregoing to the company, the owner’s son wrote to us with denials every which way from Sunday. We continued our complaining until they changed the dialogue in the (current) teevee commercial to note that the charcoal filter is optional.

However, that makes no sense! To afford one the full performance capability of the machine - to not just remove dust particles, pet dander and the like from the air - but to remove odors - (one of the major claims advertised) you must absolutely have in place the expensive charcoal filter!

Further observations: We personally bought four of the machines about a year ago - some $1,100.00 total cost. We now see where they are being offered in some markets for half the per unit cost. One of our machines, though cleaned regularly as are the other three, heats up on the right side - to a point where we have simply deactivated it. It’s dead ‘n dangerous - of no value - $350.00 down the drain . . .

Finally, we did some research and learned that the filter material that is used in those expensive replacement filters that Oreck sells is the cheapest, most ineffective type on the market. We found a source for quality filtering material for just pennies each. You must cut (with a scissors) to size, and replace the old one in a snap-apart plastic housing - but that’s no big deal.

The source (if you need it) is: Cameron Great Lakes, Att: Bob Hanson, 2335 NW 29th Ave., Portland, OR 97210 (or) www.glc.com (or) Bob@glcarbon.com It’s a very large international company, and they may not wish to process small individual orders, but they may refer you to a distributor in your area who will.

It was the consensus of all DDD involved that the ORECK room air purifier is essentially, a rip-off. Next up: The Ionic Breeze from Sharper Image. Let’s hope for better reports!

FARADAY FLASHLIGHT

No doubt you’ve seen this gem advertised all over the teevee, as well. The light is based on some interesting technology which relies on a vigorous shaking of the instrument, rather than batteries to create illumination. Only recently has it come into a wide-based public purview.

Generally, in the advertising you are offered one 10″ flashlight, plus a smaller 5″ ‘’free.'’ Several companies source the device - prices vary, but in most cases, it is the same product for (about) $20.00. We bought ours at Wal-Mart one day when SuEllen was there to buy another 20 gauge shotgun. (I pity the fool who stupidly decides to attack BLUE HERON POINTE!)

Our personal evaluation of the Faraday flashlight -almost entirely supported by DDD is this: The larger light works - but not as you would expect. It is nowhere nearly as bright as a regular battery flashlight - which can be had at any dollar-store. You can shake the thing as much as you like, but there is a limit to the brightness - it is narrowly focused, and of virtually NO value unless the surrounding area is totally dark.

The smaller flashlight is worthless. We could not even get the first TWO to work at all - had to get replacements. The third one worked the day we brought it home - then quit, but it is not something you’d want to depend upon for any purpose, anyway. We’d say, save your $$ - buy a half dozen regular flashlights for a buck each - and stock up on a big batch of ‘D’ batteries and have money left over!

ARTHRITIS NOSTRUMS

Oh, my gosh! With tens of millions of Americans alone suffering from one of the hundred different varieties of rheumatoid or osteoarthritis, everybody and their brother is out to capitalize on that enormous pain and suffering - aware that people will try just about anything to mitigate their plight. Even a modicum of pain relief is worth $$.

For years we have published a popular report called, ‘’How To Beat The Pain Of Arthritis!'’ and we’re told frequently that it is helpful. (It is basically a compendium of the many things sufferers employ to ease, or in some cases virtually eliminate their arthritis pain.)

But . . . that effort pales when compared to the endless raft of stuff being touted as ‘’sure-cures!'’ Here are a few that the DDD have examined closely. They range from the ridiculous to the sublime.

Dr. Frank’s Joint & Muscle Pain Relief Oral Spray fascinated everybody, because what you do is spray six times under your tongue, wait ten seconds and then, swallow and wait for the glorious pain relief promised. The only thing anyone could detect was a very unusual but sort-of good taste! The stuff failed to send pain on its way - no matter how many times one used the stuff (recommended dosage is 6 sprays, six times a day.)

The cost is $25.90 (inc. s/h) and available via www.drfrankspainrelief.com If you place an order be on the alert: These people appear to deliberately ignore your ordering requests and instead of just setting you up for a one-time purchase, place you on the negative option plan that the FTC has warned consumers about for years. The result:

You would end up getting a fresh shipment of the product every month - and your credit card charged for the same - even though you did not authorize! (More details on this later).

Two other products highly touted via teevee infommercials came to our attention: Sea Vegg (www.seaveggstore.com) and FlexProtex (www.FlexProtex.biz) Of course, neither is cheap, each costing around fifty bux per month’s supply.

The trouble with the first item, as well as many others making similar claims of pain reduction, improved health, etc., is that it may well be doing something of value for the person taking the product but if so, it’s darn near impossible to tell. Sure, you know whether there is a reduction in pain (most DDD said ‘’no,'’ whilst two claimed some benefit).

As for the other suggestions that the ocean-derived dietary supplement is superior to those obtained from other sources, and that the same is more beneficial to one’s health - well, it becomes too subjective for the individual to assess. True, common sense tells us that the stuff IS probably worth consuming - it may just come down to price for many.

Re: FlexProtex . . . a couple DDD told us they could not seem to place an order for the product after seeing it on the infommercial. That seemed odd, so I personally placed a call and sure enough, ’twas like entering the ‘’Twilight Zone!'’

I got some glib-talking used car salesman type who tried every which way from Sunday to boost the order and got really angry when I informed him that we were only interested in making the one-time purchase. I hung up.

Consensus: We must reserve judgment at this time as to the effectiveness - not enough time for DDD to acquire and test it. I put this out there ow in the hopes that non DDD reading this will con-tact us with your assessment (assuming you were able to actually place an order and get the stuff!)

There is also this caveat:

At www.arthritisinfonow.blogspot.com there is a report that the FTC has been battling the product’s promoter, Donald Bartlett for the past two years stating claims made are bogus.

Last on this list is one I was personally rooting for as I especially liked the marketing approach of Tabak’s Health Products, 1622 Deere Avenue, Irvine, CA 92606. They send direct mail packages in which they tout their product, ‘’Arthritis-Ease,'’ and they offer the product ($30.97 inc. s/h) on a 30-day trial basis with absolutely no up-front money.

Lots of companies offer free trial periods, but they will want your chargecard data up-front, only to make it extremely difficult (and often, impossible) to get a refund. Indeed (and this IS another subject) many of those buggers set you up on a ‘’negative option'’ basis (even when you specifically tell them NOT to) whereby, each month they will ship another batch of (whatever) and charge your credit card.

The ‘’Arthritis-Ease'’ also came with a modest kicker - a small free bottle of Glucosamine Sulfate, which you may keep, regardless.

We tried the product - as did several DDD and sad to report, the stuff was of absolutely no value that anyone could determine, but . . . they surely do have a great marketing approach!

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UP, UP AND AWAY . . . !

We have substantial research that shows there is an all-natural alternative to Viagra, Cialis and Levitra that many report is more effective, faster and safer. Plus, it’s cheap and available without a prescription! Nope, ’tis not ginkgo biloba or ginseng or anything that we have ever heard of before!

AND BEFORE I TELL YOU ANY MORE . . . I would refer you (again) to the ‘’Weasel Words'’ at the bottom of our HOME PAGE which reminds you to have a chat with your own doctor, lawyer, stock or real estate broker, nutritionist, Grandmother, other personal advisor, life coach or whomever BEFORE trying ANYTHING you read here - or anywhere else on the entire cotton-pickin’ Internet, in a book, magazine, newspaper or wherever - and that’s no joke!

Now, then . . .

What we’re talking about is a recently re-discovered product that is ‘’natural'’ - not a drug that must be prescribed by a doctor or obtained from a pharmacist - but it is used to effectively treat ‘’ED,'’ as all the teevee commercials euphemistically refer to Erectile Dysfunction when peddling the likes of the well-known, much more expensive products.

This product is actually an ancient one newly re-vitalized, and is technically known as Tongkat Ali Eurycoma Longifolio. It is also commonly known as Long Jack (sorry - but that’s true!)

It’s a traditional Malaysian botanical that emanates from a small tree that grows wild in the rain forests of Southeast Asia and has been used by natives for over 300 years to enhance energy levels, endurance and stamina and to increase sexual arousal, motivation and frequency of activity.

It is now marketed under various trade names, but you will find an enormous amount of data on line - 121,000 separate websites when you GOOGLE just ‘’Eurycoma Longifolio.'’ Amazingly, the stuff is offered for as little as $18.98 for a bottle of 60 1500 mg capsules! Compare that to any of the three leading Rx versions which cost $10.00 and more for EACH pill!

Both the ‘’boys and the girls'’ of those DDD testing the product have literally raved about its effectiveness. Yes, unlike the Rx drugs, this one is equally effective for the male AND the female libido! If you decide to try it, GET CLEARANCE FROM YOUR DOCTOR FIRST - and then, let us know (anonymously, if you prefer) how it works for you.

ANOTHER PRODUCT THAT ACTUALLY WORKS . . .

In this case, it’s the fast-gaining-in-popularity ‘’Roomba,'’ a 3″ high computerized (cordless) vacuum cleaner about the size of a large dinner plate that actually cleans all your floors - regardless of surface (wood, tile, carpet, etc.) better than a traditional vacuum - all by itself! No kidding!

When SuEllen first brought the beast home I thought she’d truly flipped her lid - and kept telling her so all the time the machine was charging itself for the first time (at it’s own docking station under an end table). Then, it took off, and for the next hour or so ventured through-out the place - scaring the beejeebers out of the kitties and invading every possible space it could find - under beds, dressers, cabinets, etc.

It develops it’s own pattern of movement and operates on some logic that humans do not comprehend, because just when you think, ‘’Aha! The little bugger missed a fur ball!'’ - he turns around and sneaks up on it and gobbles it into his belly!

You do need to empty its dirt container, and whenever its battery starts to run low, it moseys itself back to it’s charging dock, engages the thing by itself and sits there getting all hot and bothered again!

The thing costs around $280.00 and up, depend-ing on where you get it - S.E. got ours at some discount store after Christmas for $150.00 and says it’s the best $$ of mine she’s ever spent. I have to agree, and sometimes when she’s away, I’ll set the thing into motion (via a remote) and off it goes.

On those days, when she returns, I make a point of telling her that I did her a favor and vacuumed the whole house that day . . . More info at www.irobot.com

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LOOKING FOR A PLACE TO REST YOUR WEARY HEAD?

If so, perhaps you’ve considered the ‘’Fabulous Fitness Quest'’ pillow fronted by fitness guru, Tony Little, in late-night 30 minute infommercials. We gotta admit that the hype surely sounds good - and anyone who is up that time of night to see the thing is a prime candidate. After all, how many sleepless nights can one take? I can tell you that THIS ‘one has taken’ upwards of 5 nights in a row with nary a blink nor a nod!

In any event, the pillows are said to contain ‘’60 million air pockets'’ - wonder who got stuck with the job of counting! The design also seems logical when you see the item - on the teevee or in actual fact. Yes . . . we bought a pair of the things - despite S.E. looking at me cross-eyed when I told her that.

They arrived very quickly - and we decided to each try one for a single night - as Tony suggested: ‘’You won’t need the full 30 day trial - one night will tell you whether it works for you or not.'’

Actually, I needed only about ten minutes of nasty neck pain to decide that the ‘’Homedics Pillow'’ (its actual name) was not for me. S.E. uses about ten pillows in her bed, so she said she did not notice whether the thing was good, bad or just another pillow in the stack.

Maybe, the things would work for you - but I doubt it. Even though they feel soft but firm, they are actually unyielding and it quickly feels like your head is on a rock with a thin towel over it! The total cost with taxes was $84.59 - including $19.90 in shipping. The actual cost for shipping when we sent it back was $7.50 and that included a proof of receipt.

Therefore, bear in mind that if you try the product and do not like it, when you return it you’ll be ‘’out'’ approximately $26.00 to cover shipping both ways as that is NOT refunded. Indeed, as of this writing, we have not had a credit to our chargecard so . . . maybe we’ll have another ‘’story'’ for you about that later on . . .

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