A PLETHORA OF WITTY, PITHY & TIMELESS MEANDERINGS FROM THE WORLD’S SAUCIEST MOVERS ‘N SHAKERS!
The ten most powerful two-letter words in the English language: ‘’If it is to be . . . it is up to me.'’ -Unknown
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A FEW DAXISMS:
‘’Drink to Success - not to Excess.'’
‘’Go for a Hug - instead of a Drug.'’
‘’Forget the Smoke - enjoy a Joke.'’
I Like this witty observation of Mark Twain:
‘’The first day of April is when we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year.'’
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Will the sum of your life be measured by your personal accomplishments or, by the collective efforts of those whom you’ve influenced? In your earlier years you’ll most likely hope for the former. Later, you will be both pleased and humbled if it appears ’twill be the latter. -DFVD
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When I was a kid, my father received, and propped up on his desk for a few weeks, a postcard showing a tired old prospector barely dragging himself along, having given up on ever finding gold. On the back of the card was a brief story about how shortly after the old fellow had given up, someone else came along, went a few feet further and literally stumbled upon the single largest gold nugget ever to be found during the California gold rush.
I was reminded of that story recently when I got an e-mail from P.C. in which she related the fact that Brittany-Nicole (at eight, my youngest granddaughter) had earlier in the year decided to quit playing soccer. Kids tend to try new stuff and then give it up and usually, it is only at a parent’s insistence that they continue. P.C. did insist and the Brit-Nic did continue. The day of the e-mail, her team had just played another team that had been totally undefeated all season and was considered inviolate. Brittany scored two goals against them - the ONLY goals scored in the entire game on either side and of course, her team won. All involved (on the winning side) are feeling pretty sassy! -DFVD
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OH, SO TRUE . . .
‘’If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all his impersonators would be dead.'’-Johnny Carson
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‘’Life is either a daring adventure or nothing. To keep our faces toward change and behave like free spirits in the presence of fate is strength undefeatable.'’ -Helen Keller (For our young readers, she was the woman who was born both blind and deaf and managed to overcome both insurmountable odds to live a fulfilling life.)
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A PRICELESS KEY TO SUCCESS: It took me the better part of a lifetime - plus an untold amount of $$ - to discover that a stress-free combination of genuine success and happiness results from one’s being satisfied in living far below their true ‘’means.'’ And, the less you are willing to consider acceptable - the higher the level of that oft-times elusive combo.-DFVD
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There’s a distinct difference between a recession and a depression: A recession is when your neighbor loses his job. A depression is when YOU lose your job. -President Harry S. Truman
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‘’When you reach the top of your game - regardless the field - friends fall away and enemies accumulate.'’-Dan Rather
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A couple modern-day examples of why it might be a good idea to heed some olden-day proverbs:
‘’Don’t count your chickens before they’re hatched.'’ Two nights before the Michael Jackson stunning ten-count not-guilty verdict, Chief Prosecutor Tom Snedden and a dozen of his cohorts celebrated their anticipated victory at an expensive restaurant where they revelled and got, well, snockered.
‘’Live and learn.'’ More dumb stuff from the Left Coast: Recently, when a 7.0 under-the-Pacific earthquake struck just 90 miles away from California, it triggered an automatic and urgent Tsunami Warning, designed to avoid a horrific disaster similar to the one which occurred only a few months earlier in South Asia.
How did local citizens react? Many got in their cars and drove to the beach to wait for the event, whilst their even more stupid counterparts grabbed their surf boards and headed out into the water.
A DAX-Observation: Nature has a wonderful way of thinning the herd of worthless nincompoops.
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‘’Talk is cheap. Anybody can talk a good game . . . but a winner will just do it . . . and do it . . . and do it until the job is done. Then, he can talk about how wonderful it is to be financially free!'’ -John Pulaski
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COSTLESS RECIPROCITY
If you have a penny and I have a penny and we exchange pennies, you still have just one cent and I still have just one cent. No gain.
But if you have a good idea and I have a good idea and we exchange ideas, you now have two good ideas and so do I. A potentially significant gain for both of us - at no cost to either of us.
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He was living on borrowed time when someone called in his loan . . . -DFVD
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When everybody was talking about the problems of drafting a new Constitution for Iraq, it occurred to me, why not just give them ours? After all, it was written by some very smart old fellows . . . it worked for us for over 200 years . . . and we’re really not using it much any more these days.
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‘’Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.'’ -Benjamin Franklin ('’I'll drink to that!'’ -DFVD)
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Aoccdrnig to rscheearch at an Elingsh uinervtisy, it deosn’t mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer are in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a toatl mses and yoiu can sitll raed it wouuthit a porbelm.
Tihs is bcuseae we do not raed ervey lteter by istelf but rtaher, the wrod as a wlohe and the biran fguiers it out aynawy.
Blul tcieky! If taht’s ture - I cluod srue svae a lot of btoehr eervy tiem I rwite somtehing by not rnunnig eervtyhnig trhoguh taht ctoton-pikcin’ slepl cehck!
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‘’Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. It’s already tomorrow in Australia.'’ -Charles Schultz, Creator of Peanuts cartoon
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‘’Dogs look up to you . . . cats look down on you . . . only pigs treat you as an equal.'’ -Winston Churchill (1934)
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Many younger people, as well as a few older folks, need to be reminded now and then that our U.S. Constitution provides us with the ‘’right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness'’ . . . not a guarantee of happiness.
Each of us is assured the chance to freely chase that elusive commodity most any way we like, but we can NOT assume that others - especially, Uncle Sammy - will stand ready either to ensure or even assist in our quest. So far, happiness has not yet been legislated as an entitlement. (But . . . give those ol’ Washington pork-barrelers time - give ‘em time . . . ) -DFVD
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TONY THE (SOPRANO?) TIGER!
‘’What can we do, momma? Here comes a hunter with a big new rifle, a special sighting scope and a device that let’s him see in the dark!'’
‘’Hush!'’ And with that, the momma tiger quickly taught her cub how to sneak up from behind and pounce.
The hunter was never heard of again.
The moral: Technology may be great, but ’twill never substitute for a good, basic education. (Or common sense, craftiness or sheer desperation. -DFVD)
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Most of life’s truly joyous, memorable - even seminal moments - come by happenstance. Whether one carefully plans a delectable, gastronomic experience - a mind-blowing sexual dalliance or even a once-in-a-career business coup . . . generally, the only genuine victories worth remembering are those which come about by forces beyond one’s control. To be sure, such delightful events can be wonderful - but ‘twould certainly be nice if a great experience could be controlled.
I have found one such. On a clear, slightly breezy Spring or Summer day - even in the Autumn - I work diligently to get all my tasks completed early - preferably, by 2:00 P.M. Then, I make a nice lunch, savor it on the deck and afterward, get a large glass of red wine, my South African solar-powered FM radio, a small side table and oh yes, my big comfy pillow and head out to lakeside, where the string hammock awaits.
I plop down into it, rev up some Mahler or Vivaldi on the red radio, sip some wine, sway back and forth whilst watching the ducks, geese, blue herons, cranes and turtles cavort for 30-40 peaceful minutes . . . Life does not get any better than that!
Try it sometime and tell me I’m wrong . . . -DFVD
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Word to the wise: Never interfere with your enemy when he’s in the process of destroying himself. -Napoleon
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Most everybody is familiar with the Lau Tsu quotation, ‘’A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step.'’ My personal favorite of that particular sixth century Chinese philosopher is ‘’Sit by the river long enough and you’ll see your enemies float by.'’ Gotta love THAT! I’ve expounded in the past on how interesting it truly is that, over the course of time, one does see most enemies disappear. I’ve only got a couple more to go - and I’m ‘’home free!'’-DFVD
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‘’As one goes through life, one learns if you don’t paddle your own canoe, you don’t move.'’ -Katherine Hepburn
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It’s now an everyday occurrence to learn of further corruption, decent and such in the marketplace, but I just heard stats on the following characters that sounds like it’s about as bad as it can get, to wit:
Out of just 500 employees, 29 have been accused of spousal abuse, 7 have been arrested for fraud, 19 have been accused of writing bad checks, 117 have been bankrupt at least twice, 3 were arrested for assault, 71 cannot qualify for a credit card as their unpaid debts are too high, 14 have been arrested for drug-related charges, 8 have been arrested for shoplifting, 21 are current defendants in lawsuits, and in the past year, 84 were stopped for drunk driving.
Pretty bad, huh? Seems like there outta be a law against such bad behavior - but we cannot turn to the U.S. Congress for any such relief, because it is from the ranks of the 535 members of that august body that the aforementioned statistics were taken. Like the man said, I guess, ‘’You get what you pay for . . .'’
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‘’The man who views the world at 50 the same as he did at 20 has wasted 30 years of his life'’ -Mohammed Ali (1975)
The champ is a fellow Aquarian - as well as being a long-time resident of Michigan AND a genuine DAX-DOER. I first met him on Interstate 96 many years ago when he was driving his Rolls-Royce (convertible) and I was driving my Rolls-Royce (sedan). He had been stopped for speeding and I just decided to stick my nose into the event. (What’s the cop gonna do - shoot TWO R-R owners?!) Had a nice chat with him whilst the officer checked him out via his dispatcher: He absolutely could not believe who ’twas he’d collared, I guess.
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‘’Action makes more fortunes than caution!'’ -Unknown
Equal-time comment: ‘’Prudent caution (and due diligence)
often keeps one from losing a fortune from action taken
too soon or in a really stupid way!'’ -DFVD (mostly known)
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It’s easy enough to earn the respect of others when first, you make a point
of showing respect for them. -DFVD
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A FISH TALE . . .
A sporting goods store had this sign in the window: ‘’FISHING TICKLE.'’ Observing that, a passerby entered the store to inform the owner of the error. Whilst there, he saw a new fishing rod he liked and bought it. As the owner was ringing up the sale the man said, ‘’Oh, incidentally, did you realize that there is a spelling error on the sign in the window?'’
‘’I sure do,'’ said the owner. ‘’In fact, you’re the tenth person today to come in and tell me about it - and all of you bought something while you were here.'’
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PAY HEED, YOUNG ENTREPRENEUR!
The following comes to you direct from the ‘’voice of vast experience!”
‘’When considering a business partner, make certain that the only candidate under consideration is . . . your alter ego.'’-DFVD
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MILLIONAIRE MYTHS
We’ve heard a number of fallacies about ‘the rich folk’ bandied about over the years, such as:
‘’The rich guy ain’t any different than the poor one: He’s still gotta put his pants on, one leg at a time!'’
No, that’s not true! I don’t have that kind of time to waste! Long before I ‘got rich’ I learned to save time every morning by sitting on the edge of the bed - lifting BOTH feet off the floor and putting MY pants on BOTH legs at the same time! Now, you don’t need to be rich to do that . . . just smart!
‘’Money can’t buy happiness!'’
That statement is obviously uttered by a person who has never had any significant amount of either commodity: Money OR happiness! An abundance of money helps an individual in most every phase of life to be happier, more content and serene. My all-time favorite retort to that familiar dogma is: ‘’Maybe money cannot BUY happiness - but it can sure RENT a bunch of it!'’
‘’It takes money to make money!'’
No . . . throughout financial history, the most money has been made based on hope, promise and good faith. Money itself is inert and does absolutely nothing until it’s released. The finest discourse I have ever seen on the subject - how just the THOUGHT of wealth can be therapeutic - can be found in a wonderful old novel called, ‘Nightshift,’ by the late Irwin Shaw. I suggest you get a copy and . . . revel in it!
By the way . . . years ago, the venerable AVON Corporation decided to augment the sales of their ‘ding-dong’ ladies by starting a huge mail order division. As reported in the Wall Street Journal, AVON poured massive amounts of money into the project - 7 or 8 million bux, initially, as I recall.
They failed miserably! Why? Because they just assumed that by injecting huge resources into a project they could not fail. It apparently did not occur to these ‘brains’ that it might also be a savvy idea to first LEARN what the direct response marketing field was all about - and how it actually works!
Conversely, about the same time, a number of DAX neophytes were starting up little mail order businesses with only ‘cigarette money’ and today, many are very, very wealthy! -DFVD
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God does indeed, answer all prayers, it’s just that often, his answer is . . . ‘’No.'’
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More ‘’proof'’ that LAUGHTER IS INDEED, THE BEST MEDICINE
For decades the venerable Reader’s Digest has proclaimed the above in one of its monthly features and more recently, actual research has been undertaken to show where one’s happy, healthy humorous outlook on life can make a big difference in the length of time one spends on the planet. We covered that data as a prologue to many great belly-laughs in our report, ‘’Laugh To Live.'’
THEY DIED LAUGHING
Late in the Spring we learned of the death of comic monologist Alan King whom I believe held the record for most appearances on the Ed Sullivan Show. King was 76 - relatively a youngster compared to many famous comedians who managed a couple extra decades beyond the norm. Here are some stats:
Bob Hope, 100 - George Burns, 100 - Henny Youngman, 92 (perhaps, his surname gave a clue to his longevity!) - Groucho Marx, 87 - Red Skelton, 84 - Charlie Chaplin, 88 - Marjorie Main, 85 (remember ‘’Ma ‘n Pa Kettle?'’) - Phil Harris, 91 - Milton Berle, 93 and just recently, Tony Randall, 84. Phyllis Diller is still alive ‘n kicking (about everything!) at 87. So is Red ('’I never got a dinner!'’) Buttons, 85.
The ranks of people slightly younger when they passed - but who made us all laugh a lot include Lucille Ball, 78 (despite being a very heavy chain smoker - and did I ever tell you that I once met her and Martha Raye, 78 back stage in 1961 when they were starring on Broadway in ‘’Wildcats?'’) There was Bud Abbott, 79 - although his partner, Lou Costello died very young at 53.
Ditto for one of the most beloved rascals of all time, W. C. Fields who was poured into his grave at a mere 67 . . . And finally, Jack Benny, my all-time favorite, (and born on Valentine’s Day, like yours truly), made it to 84.
Is there a lesson in all this? Maybe yes - maybe no - but certainly, it can’t hurt to infuse your life with as much humor, wit, and flat-out belly-laughs as possible. So what if that fails to extend your life significantly? At least the time that you have here will be more pleasant than that of all those other sour-pusses . . .
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Ideas are a dime a dozen. People who actually put them into action are priceless. -DFVD
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MONEY-MINDED MATTERS
Money can’t buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
Whoever SAID ‘money can’t buy happiness’ - probably had little or no experience with either one.
How to double your money, GUARANTEED: Fold it over and put it back in your pocket.
A person who has more money than brains will generally experience the condition only temporarily.
Money has wings - but most people only see the tail feathers.
Nothing in the universe travels faster than a bad check.
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Whilst your ultimate goal may well be heavenly blessings . . . likely, your more immediate pursuits involve earthly delights. So . . . enjoy ‘em whilst you can! -DFVD
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ABBREVIATED HISTORY OF MEDICINE: ‘’I have a headache - what should I do?'’
2000 B.C. - Here, eat this root.
1000 A.D. - That root is paganistic - say this prayer.
1850 A.D. - Prayer? Superstitious! Drink this potion.
1940 A.D. - That potion is mere snake oil: Swallow this pill.
1985 A.D. - That pill has been found to be ineffective: Take this antibiotic.
2006 A.D. - That antibiotic is synthetic - not natural. Here, eat this root.
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To openly admit defeat is to stand naked before the world. -DFVD (1965)
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The French philosopher and writer, Voltaire whose actual name was Francois Marie Arouet lived from 1694 to 1778. He has always been one of my personal favorites and oddly, only recently did I discover that S.E. had studied his works at University, as well. Here are a few of his sometimes pithy observations.
Canada: A few acres of snow. ** I was never ruined but twice: Once when I lost a lawsuit, and once when I won one. ** Man is free at the moment he wishes to be. ** I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it. ** The art of medicine consists in amusing the patient while nature cures the disease. ** When it is a question of money, everybody is of the same religion. ** Work banishes three great evils: Boredom, vice and poverty. ** The art of government consists in taking as much money as possible from one class of the citizens to give to the other. ** What a heavy burden is a name that has become too famous.
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A famous psychiatrist suggests that to help deal with the fact of one’s eventual death one should imagine all the nice things that friends and relatives will say as they pass your casket: ‘’He/she was a good parent, an honest business-person - a pillar of the community.'’ And so forth. That’s all well and good, but when(ever) folks pass by MY silk-lined box, I hope someone exclaims, ‘’Hey! Look - he’s moving!'’
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It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help. -Unknown
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Nowadays, it seems that our government spends a great deal of time - and our money - coming up with new ways to restrict or impinge on citizen rights and activities. Part of ‘’homeland security,'’ I suppose. Well, if ‘’Big Brother'’ ever gets around to banning jokes, humor and other funny stuff in general - look for my name on the obituary page . . . I have no desire to live without a daily supply of laughs!
Which reminds me: Remember the late George Burn’s wife, Gracie Allen? She once remarked that she had scanned the obituaries in the newspaper that morning: ‘’Isn’t it incredible that people always seem to die in alphabetical order?'’
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‘’Whatever I have tried to do in life, I have tried with all my heart to do well; Whatever I have devoted myself to, I have devoted myself to completely; In great aims and small, I have always been thoroughly in earnest.'’ -Dickens (& Du Vall!)
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A DAX Marketing Axiom: ‘’Strive to be modest. Under-promise, but over-deliver.'’
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Some people wake up and find themselves famous, whilst others stay up all night and become notorious.
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To a very old bed-bound man, during the holidays there’s nothing as exciting . . . or as sad . . . as over-hearing a loved one in the next room say, ‘’Someone’s gotta make up a plate and take to Grandpa.'’
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Often, a person will get married due to a lack of good judgment . . . divorced due to a lack of patience . . . and remarried due to a lack of memory.
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TIME MARCHES ON . . .
At my age, I realize that I may be living on BORROWED time, but I’m fortunate to have a great rate of INTEREST: The modern ‘’V'’ percentage: Vitamins, Viagra and Vices, aplenty!
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‘’The Americans can always be counted on to do the ‘right thing’
- after they’ve exhausted all other possibilities.'’ -Winston Churchill
But ol’ ‘’Winnie,'’ as he was affectionately called by his fellow Brits, once came up with an even funnier, spontaneous response than that. At a heavily attended state dinner, Churchill, who loved both his cigars and lots of strong wine, was seated next to an outspoken old biddy, who said to him, ‘’Sir, you are drunk!'’
To which he replied, ‘’That may be, my lady, but in the morning I shall be sober. However, in the morning you shall still be ugly!'’
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‘’If one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with success unexpected in common hours!'’-Henry David Thoreau
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1 - 2 - 3
It seems that we devote the first third of our lives coveting, pursuing and acquiring great and wondrous personal treasures . . .
The second third wondering why, in our misspent youth, we ever wanted such stuff . . .
An the final third is spent figuring out how to get rid of all that junk.
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The late, great entertainer, Ray Charles, has been blind from about the age seven. Recently, in an interview that fact was mentioned and he commented: ‘’My eyes are just my handicap, but my ears are my great opportunity.'’
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A few years back, on our very last excursion together on the DAX LIFE ‘yacht,’ my late friend, Hameed, and I started drafting up a list of American idioms.
Although Pakistani, he was raised ‘’veddy British'’ and had some difficulty with our ‘’weird American sayings'’ on occasion. What prompted our exercise was my recounting an event that had taken place earlier at WILLOWOOD:
SuEllen had been performing a tedious task of some kind and I asked if she wanted me to ‘’spell her for awhile.'’ Hearing that phrase, Hameed asked what the heck it meant. I told him that it was simply a way of inquiring whether a person could take over a given task for a spate - in place of the person thus engaged.
Before long, we were coming up with all sorts of phrases, which we later discovered many others had never heard of - although for the most part, I am certain they are common -at least in the Midwest. Here are a few:
Like a Dutch Uncle
In high dudgeon
Trip the light fantastic
On the horns of a dilemma
Albatross around the neck
Hoisted by his own petard
(To be) ‘’in Dutch'’
Hang dog
Dressed to the nines
Grew like Topsy (Methinks - not sure - this is an outgrowth of ‘’top seed'’ - anyone know?)
Get a purchase (on something)
I once made the mistake of using that latter phrase when S.E. and I were first dating. It was our second or third evening out, and I was escorting her back to her apartment. She asked me if I would open the window in the stairwell, but there was only a very small handle.
As I tried vainly to move the blasted thing I said, ‘’Let me see if I can get a better purchase on it.'’ I was fifty at the time - she was 31. I may as well have said, ‘’Hey little girl - want a cookie?'’ - ’cause S.E. looked at me in a very strange way! But then, from time to time, even some 16 years later - she still does . . .
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All too often, when you wish for something really bad - if it materializes, that’s what you’ll get: Something really bad. -DFVD
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Most problems of youth are solved by the advent of middle age. Later, old age totally displaces any remaining ones by presenting a whole brand new batch. Ain’t life grand . . . -DFVD
That last phrase reminds me of one of my late mother’s favorite sayings, ‘’Ain’t love grand?!'’ She’d utter that when, for example, we’d be driving down the road and ahead of us in another car a young couple would be sitting very close to each other.
My mother was an extraordinarily positive person in all ways, but as she got into her eighties she once said (humorously): ‘’Getting old? I can’t say that I recommend it!'’
My doctor for some forty years (also now deceased) once said to me, ‘’I cannot see a damn thing good about old age - mine or anyone else’s.'’ ‘course, in my mind, it does beat the only alternative . . .
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‘’This is the law - keep it in your mind, from his cradle to his grave a man never does a single thing which has any first and foremost object but one - to secure peace of mind, spiritual comfort, for himself.'’-Mark Twain
Over the years a lot of people have said (and written) that yours truly sometimes seems like a reincarnation of the ol’ Mighty Mississippi Maverick quoted above. I guess that would be a compliment, of sorts although frankly, I’m not certain: I’ve heard that statment made about any number of other clever writers or speakers and besides, just as Mark Twain was a ‘’one-of-a-kind'’ - so is yours truly!
Regardless, I have always enjoyed various of Twain’s essays, particularly the one which I have always called ‘’The Old Man And The Young Man.'’ It is an exchange of words (and values) between two people of vastly different generations and can be found in the formal work, ‘’What Is Man.'’ If interested, you can read the whole thing for free by going to: www.Mark-Twain.classic-literature.co.UK/what-is-man-and-other-essays-of-Mark-Twain/
Here is another Twain quote that I especially like: ‘’Most men are never comfortable when complimented. I am never comfortable when complimented: I always feel that not enough was said.'’ (Just call me ‘’Ditto-Dean!'’)
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Well, the foregoing 60 or so ‘’DAX Pearls of Wisdom'’ should keep you cogitatin’ for a spate - and if you like this sort of stuff, let me know - the foregoing barely scratches the surface of a boatload of such that I’ve accumulated over the past 4 1/2 decades - so we can put a whole lot more of it in here if enough people want it! -Dean
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