NOTICE: We are currently on a once-every-Monday-up-goes-a-fresh-batch-of-good-stuff schedule! The following was posted 01.29.07. Please share this site with ALL your friends!
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If you’ve been visiting me here for any length of time, you know that we are located smack-dab in the middle of Amish country. Contrary to what many ‘’English (that’s YOU and ME) think - the Amish have a finely-honed sense of humor which often reveals itself in odd ways. Here’s one such:
Yesterday, whilst carefully navigating the back roads around here (which you must do, as those black buggies pop up on the other side of many a hill!) I spotted one such ahead, and noticed a hand-painted sign on the back which read, ‘’Energy efficient vehicle: Runs on oats and grass. CAUTION: Do not step in the exhaust.‘’
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DEAN’S RANT: ‘’Live Richly'’ - On the Cheap!
MONEY-MAKING: A Fresh Biz Opp!
HEALTH BOOSTER: A Couple Pain-Relief Tricks For Arthritics
PONDER THIS: Just Curious . . .
WATCH YOUR BACK! Wanna have some no-cost fun?
TASTY REPAST: Shepherd’s Pie - Minus The Shepherd AND The Pie!
DAX-YAX: Oops!
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DEAN’S RANT: ‘’Live Richly'’ - On the Cheap!
In my early years in business, for a modest fee, I used to counsel men and women who were experiencing serious debt problems. The reason for the small charge was, that I was also doing research at the time for a report that was to become very popular: Entitled ‘’Erase Your Financial Burdens!,'’ it was later incorporated into a greater work called the ‘’DAX Incredible Money-Machine!'’
Not only does it show people how to make money, but first, it helps them get out of debt so they can devote their time and effort to more positive pursuits. The report is still available via our DAX STORE for $18.00, by the way - and would be cheap at half the price - but you’ll need to pay the full price - HA!http://www.daxrich.daxfax.com/store/index.php?productID=135
‘’Back then,'’ there was no shortage of willing-to-pay clients for my rather impromptu debt-counselling service as I was, at the time, also the Executive Director of the largest network of collection agencies in Michigan and dealt daily with people suffering from the monetary miseries!
In the years since, on only rare occasions will I offer my expertise to assist individuals in crawling out of massive debt - not because I’m not caring - but because it troubles me to spend very much time with foolish people and frankly, we are surrounded by just that these days! There is NO reason for anyone to get into debt so deep that it threatens one’s resources, their health and quite often, even their personal relationships.
Nonetheless, I recently found myself conned into just such a session with a young couple who were on the verge of bankruptcy, and frankly, when I first looked over their finances that seemed like the best route - at least from MY standpoint, as ‘twould be quick and easy to just say, ‘’file for bankruptcy!'’ and be done with it.
But I did spend a bit more time than that, and in the end, managed to steer them towards a series of viable solutions which will, in time, find them high and dry of most all pressing debt.
But, as Letterman is fond of saying, ‘’That’s not why you called!'’ What I wanted to bring to your attention NOW is that, whilst the young couple and I we were chatting, I mentioned that one way I learned long ago to save considerable sums of money was by buying in bulk and/or during major sales, and nowadays, SuEllen and I make regular visits to the so-called ‘’Dollar'’ stores, as well. The pair looked at me aghast, and she said, ‘’You STILL do that?'’
When I told her that most certainly - we both enjoy saving a buck now and then, she could not help herself, and blurted out: ‘’But Mr. Du Vall, you are very successful and could well afford to shop anywhere and pay . . . ‘’
I interrupted her, ‘’And pay the higher prices that such stores charge - just to cover their fancier buildings in high-priced locations - and to pay for THEIR built-in advertising costs? No, that’s just foolish!'’
Noting that they did not have a clue as to what I was talking about, I gave them many examples - and here are just a few of ‘em:
Many people use Tylenol, which is an acetaminophen-based product. That brand will cost upwards of $5.95 for a plastic bottle of 50 500mg tablets or capsules.
However, at a store where they sell a brand name version, let’s say, WalMart or one of the other chains, the price drops to around $4.95 for exactly the same compound - just a different name.
But that’s just for starters, because when you put on your fake mustache and glasses and sneak into a dollar store(!) - you pay just $1.00 for EXACTLY the same product! I generally buy a dozen bottles at one time - $12.00 versus upwards of $72.00 elsewhere. Is that worth the bother?
If not, whilst you’re at the self-same $1.00 store - and every community nowadays has one or in most cases, several - you can pick up toothpaste - even the ‘’Sensodyne'’ type that fetches $5.00 a tube elsewhere, mouthwash, ‘’Ben Gay'’ type rubs, name-brand hair sprays and other similar, normally costly products - that may have a near-term expiration date and are available for drastically reduced prices.
I buy many items there that are somewhat pricey elsewhere, such as artichokes, capers, mushrooms, olives, pickles (whenever I’ve exhausted my supply of the super-great AMISH homemade ones!), canned meats for the cats, cashews, peanuts, mixed nuts, cleaning supplies, various small tools, and many other basic items - including my socks, reading glasses and sunglasses! Both SuEllen and P.C. insist on buying those designer sunglasses - $150.00 a pop! I could get three lives supply for that sum - at the Dollar Store!
At various other discount stores, either by way of basic pricing or surfing ‘’sales,'’ we save additional large sums by buying staple items by the case.
SuEllen and I have often tallied up our annual savings and invariably, it amounts to several THOUSANDS of dollars. Last year, I believe ’twas around seven grand. Now, does THAT seem like it might be worth the ‘’bother?'’
People just seem to no longer understand the value of a single buck - nor how it becomes something of importance when combined with OTHER single bux here and there - now and then. For a MAJOR jolt of reality, click here:
http://www.daxrich.com/category/short-takes/ and scroll down to the very bottom and read the article headed ‘’WATCH IT GROW!'’
The silliest lament of all is by the (usually overweight) mother who claims (and probably, honestly believes) that she cannot afford to properly feed her family. That is sheer nonsense! The reason ANYONE may have trouble financing the foodstuffs is because, they are needlessly paying many extra dollars for someone else (a Fortune 500 Company) to pre-prepare their meals for them!
It’s just like our example of underwriting Tylenol’s built-in advertising costs when you buy a box, can or a frozen container of a pasta dinner, let’s say, for several dollars. Maybe it has a few veggies in it, all YOU need to do is open the container, perhaps, thaw it out and nuke it, right?
Instead, you buy a 25 CENT box of angel hair pasta, boil it for 9 minutes, add a rinsed and drained 35 CENT can of succotash, or if not on hand, a half can each of corn, carrots, and/or whatever other veggie you have laying around gathering dust - and voila! You have a tasty, nutritious dish that cost you far less than a dollar and will feed 4 people.
Ditto for a judicious understanding of how to prepare ‘’from scratch'’ (did I ever tell you that I literally own the Trademark on the word ‘’Scratch!'’ ?) many other dishes based on low-cost potatoes, rice, other pastas and grains of all kinds, delicious vegetables and fruits, etc.
A homemade pizza is far, far more delicious and healthy than a store-bought or a really high-priced delivered version, and yours can cost as little as two dollars. You just need to study these things and then, ACT!
And yes, I realize that all of the foregoing is based on a vegetarian-style diet so, if you MUST add meat to your cooking and speed up your family’s ultimate demise, look around: Oh, over there is your old dog . . . he looks like he’s about had it - just chop him up and drop in the stew pot . . .
Whether you want to admit it or not, that’s almost exactly what you do when you opt for a chunk of beef, pork, lamb or other animal flesh!
Anyway . . . one can save enormous sums of money if they are willing to take some simple steps to become educated and then, take the more difficult steps of actually putting into motion that newfound knowledge! Failing that, one has NO right to complain about the high cost of feeding the family and/or how they never seem to have any extra money to do the things they want to do!
The same philosophy applies to all other aspects of one’s budgeting chores - from providing a roof over your family’s head, to transportation needs and even college educations for all the offspring. But then, those are ‘’solves'’ for another post . . .
-Dean
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MONEY-MAKING: A Fresh Biz Opp!
DAX-DOER James Nolan, Jr. has a fresh business opportunity to tell you about which does NOT involve MLM, Network Marketing, Stock Investing or Franchising. For more details, see his advertisement at DAX HYBRID-POWERED AD-BLAST: http:www.DAX-Power-Blast.com/ It’s the #4 listing on Page #1!
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HEALTH BOOSTER: A Couple Pain-Relief Tricks For Arthritics
Mention the word ‘arthritis’ in a group of the uninformed and many will conjure up images of elderly men and women, bent over and trying to hobble around the room.
Unfortunately, arthritis in one or more of its 100 different variations can and does afflict people of all ages - starting with the very young in many cases. Virtually everybody in my family has suffered from the disease for most of their life, although, it does not necessarily ‘’run in families'’ like that.
My sister’s youngest, who is now in his fifties, first exhibited symptoms of juvenile arthritis at the age of 7 or 8, and it just became progressively worse over the decades. I have known people who are confined to wheel chairs because of the severity of the disease - and some were in their mid twenties!
I have been battling ‘’ol’ Arthur'’ for about 30 years now - it started in my mid thirties. Not surprisingly, that caused me and mine to engage in a fair amount of study and experimentation over time, and whilst we have produced a report covering the subject - and it is available via our DAX STORE - here are a couple quick ideas for you to consider that may just well mitigate the pain, rather than ALWAYS reaching for some potent (and usually, expensive) drug or even one of the lesser NSAIDs (Non Steroidal Anti-Inflammatory Drugs.)
LUBRICATE, HYDRATE OR DEHYDRATE!
We have discovered that whenever a bout of arthritis is particularly nasty - such as upon waking - IF one has been fortunate enough to sleep - joint pain is often caused by the body’s having depleted its water-supply over the hours of sleep - even if only from perspiring. But often, as we age, many find themselves having to get up in the night now and then to visit the commode. Hardly anyone will THEN drink a bunch more water to replace what they’ve lost - who wants to perpetuate the cycle during the nighttime?
Thus, the body sorely NEEDS hydration upon rising, and it is amazing just how much pain relief one can enjoy just from drinking a couple glasses of water. I’ve tested various amounts and for ME, the equivalent of 24 ounces (3 standard glasses) does the trick. I get that from drinking actual plain water whilst downing my various vitamins and supplements as well as from the water I cook my breakfast oatmeal in, plus a cup or two of green tea.
Strongly recommended: MILD exercise. Now, that can mean nothing more than getting off your duff and setting your body into some motion other than the lying or sitting it’s been ‘’enjoying'’ for the past several hours. A walk throughout the house, out to get the paper - that sort of thing.
In my case, each morning after breakfast I go to the exercise room and do 20 minutes on the treadmill whilst watching Imus, Fox ‘n Friends or whatever catches my fancy. That short ‘’walk'’ at about 2 mph really seems to get my ligaments, bones and other good stuff ready to motate.
Next up, whenever I have the time I spend another 20 minutes in the sauna at 175 degrees. That sweats out toxins (mostly from the previous day’s DAX Perfect Martinis!) and also limbers up the body’s muscles.
Follow that with a hot soapy shower and ‘’I'm good to go!'’ No drugs of any kind.
On the occasion of an unusually unpleasant visit from ‘’Arthur'’ I first try either a heating pad or some dollar-store knock-off of Ben Gay (same stuff - just cost several bux less!) - all BEFORE resorting to the generic Tylenol. Over the years I experimented with very strong pain killers that various doctors prescribed, but found they zonk me out - rendering me virtually worthless for much of anything. I’d rather have the pain - and did - until I learned some of the tricks I’ve told you about.
If you agree, consider the above simple suggestions - but of course, as always, we must caution you to FIRST have a chat with your medico and get his or her okay. So much for ‘’free speech'’ in America, eh wot?!
By the way, that DAX Special Report I mentioned earlier may truly be of some valuable help to you and yours, so I’ll be glad to give it to you for free if you really have arthritis and are just learning how to deal with it. It normally costs $18.00 plus $7.00 s/h via the DAX STORE link:
http://www.daxrich.daxfax.com/store/index.php?productID=117 - but if you need it and cannot afford the regular price, send me just the $7.00 s/h to: DAXRICH/Arthritis Report, Box 447, Centreville, MI 49032-0447 and I’ll have it dashed right out to you.
And as always, with any offer that I make like that - if you sincerely can NOT afford even the $7.00 - don’t be shy - just tell me that you need the report, do NOT enclose the seven bux s/h and I’ll have it sent to you anyway. I ask ONLY that you make your request by postal mail. As Red Green of Canuck Public Teevee says, ‘’I'm rootin’ for ya - we’re all in this together!'’
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PONDER THIS: Just Curious . . .
1. So, as we all know from the endless teevee news reports of late, there was this kid out in Missouri who apparently was kidnapped and held captive for over four years - starting when he was just eleven. His folks were evidently divorced, as when the kid was returned home it was his stepfather, not his father, who became the family spokesperson and eagerly stepped before all the cameras.
Just curious: Probably, the kids real father had been paying child support, right? Well, did he have to continue paying child support during the 4+ years the kid was ‘’away?'’ I mean, after all, the kidnapper was working two jobs to keep a roof over the kid’s head, feed him, buy him computer gadgets, body piercing and all. If the father had been paying even a nominal sum - say, $50 a week, that’s ten - twelve grand he either paid needlessly - or saved. Wonder which ’twas. . .
2. Those recent nasty ice storms here in the Midwest caused a lot of deaths and damage. In fact, SuEllen’s Lexus got its front bumper destroyed by a large falling tree limb. Fortunately, SHE was not injured - other than a few nicks in her good nature . . .
Worse though, were the hundreds of thousands of people left in the dark - literally - due to the electricity being knocked out when the utilities’ delivery systems failed - from accumulation of ice collapsing light poles, wires, etc. I heard that many Nebraskans may be without any power until early summer!
Just curious: Most communities now feature 100% underground utilities in their NEW developments - I’ve had such in all my homes going back some 30 years or more. Cable, gas, electric, phone - everything is tucked safely underground - away from the elements, squirrels, idiots who like to shoot out transformer and insulators.
Why is not our entire U.S. electric system ALL underground by now? Sure, ‘twould COST a lot - but consider the cost when an entire state - or several states - are forced to virtually shut down for days or even weeks when the weather gets the better of the delivery system. THAT must cost billions in the aggregate. Lost production and wages, increased medical problems, transportation snafus, and so on.
If we can afford to blow TWO BILLION DAMN BUX on the Iraqi war every WEEK(!!!!!) - couldn’t we invest a few dinero in a program to start burying our nation’s utilities? Heck, it would eventually pay to construct major underground trunk lines where workers could traverse upright - either by walking or via an electric-powered conveyance to service, inspect, repair, replace elements, etc.
Individual service to homes and businesses could be distributed as it is now in many areas - hidden underground and not subject to getting knocked out every time the temperature dips below 32 degrees!
3. When recently, some international ‘’bad guys'’ were hanged, a number of people - including Prez Dubbya - got all hissy about the fact that the people who were actually doing the dirty deed were perhaps, taunting their prey. The Prez even went so far as to declare that it appeared that maybe there was some vengeance rearing its ugly head. Do you THINK????!!!
Hey! Every time somebody HERE in the good ol’ U.S. of A. gets whacked by Big Bro - down in Indianapolis, out in Snugglenaker’s Kaleefornia - or in Dubbya’s own home state of Texas . . . there are ALWAYS two factions cavorting outside the kill building taunting each OTHER, actually. One side thinks it horrible to destroy some miscreant who carved up a young mother and her two little children, whilst the other group chants ‘’git ‘er done!'’
In all such situations there IS vengeance because DESPITE the famous Bible quote, ‘’Vengeance is MINE! (sayeth the Lord)'’ . . . we mere mortals demand OUR pound of flesh now and then from those who have seriously wronged us . . . or killed our fellow citizens or . .. well, YOU pick thy reason - there are certainly plenty of ‘em to select from these days!
So, once again, I’m just curious: How could anyone with a brain think otherwise or question the natural and strong feelings that individuals or a group of same may express when they are finally in a position to mete out a long-awaited penalty to someone who has caused such enormous harm to their loved ones for the previous several decades? I’d say it’s simply disingenuous to think badly about such people or especially, to open one’s mouth and blather ABOUT it . . . what sayeth YOU?
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WATCH YOUR BACK! Wanna have some no-cost fun?
This is almost as fun as that old deal we used to do when we were kids, where you’d be stopped at a red light, with another car next to you, and then, you’d put your car in reverse and start slowly backing up. It totally confused the other driver and as they say, hilarity ensued.
But in THIS case, you don’t even have to leave your house or your trusty ‘puter there, ’cause, here’s the deal:
Ever since we started this website - and our other four sites - we’ve been hooked up with PayPal. You may or may not know that, for a fee to a merchant, they will (ostensibly, at least) process orders, collect the monies, and so forth. Well, from the very start, we have had a great deal of difficulty with PayPal.
For the first couple months it was because the first tekkie we hired set up the whole system improperly, thus rendering it impossible for anyone TO place an order. Our current tekkie discovered all that, revamped the whole deal and everything works fine (on OUR end) BUT:
It is impossible to communicate with the PayPal ‘’pals.'’ First, there is no valid email address provided to send a simple email. On the occasion that one hears FROM them, they have it set up so you cannot email them back. Oh, they have a ‘’contact'’ spot on their website, but first of all, it does not allow one to fully detail a problem, question or whatever, as it limits the number of characters you can write. Well, just like AOL does on their ‘’Live Help.'’
Secondly, when you DO write on that form - the nincompoops simply do not respond - EVER! Also, although they DO provide a toll-free number to phone, we have waited upwards of 45 minutes with NO one picking up the phone - whilst forced to listen to a bunch of advertising crap and SECURITY-related data!
Almost every day we - and all other PayPal merchants - will receive email ‘’spoofs'’ - from crooks hoping to convince that THEY are the ‘’real'’ PayPal company and as such, they go ‘’phishing'’ for pertinent account data: Passwords, chargecard data ANYTHING that would enable them to screw you to the barn door.
In the past, we have dutifully sent along such ‘’spoofs'’ to the security department at PayPal - and immediately have gotten back a boiler plate email that says (in small part): ‘’Dear,'’ (no name is given in the salutation!) . . . ‘’Thank you for bringing this suspicious email to our attention. We can confirm that the email you received was not sent to you by PayPal. The website linked to this email is not a registered URL authorized or used by Paypal.'’
The letter goes on - for another page and a half with again, boiler plate data. When we became exasperated at not being able to contact PayPal regarding our problems with THEM - we sent a copy of our original email (which had bounced back from each and every other email address they listed) - to their Security Department. Guess what . . . yep . . . we instantly got back that self-same ‘’boiler plate'’ email vis-a-vis ‘’We can confirm that the email you received was not sent to you by PayPal'’ . . . !!
In short, it is obvious that these idiots do not read ANY messages that they receive . . . they have no concerns about servicing their customer’s needs and simply, blow them off with an auto response mechanism that they think will appease. ‘course it does anything but!
Indeed, it merely frustrates the hell out of you. But we looked into it a bit and discovered why: PayPal was bought out by the REAL top-dog worthless internet miscreants . . . eBay! No wonder the PayPal operation is so slipshod - it is now run by the masters of incompetence who totally lack customer service acumen!
If you’ve had similar experiences to ours - with either PayPal or eBay, don’t hesitate to write me and let me know. mailto:Dean@DAXRICH.com
Meanwhile, have some fun: Write up an email saying anything you can think of - a joke, recipe, your dog’s breeding habits - whatever - and send it off to: mailto:spoof@paypal.com See what YOU get back! Then, send another one - perhaps, a NUMBER of ‘em! Great fun, eh wot!? What if these idiots actually discover ME as the source for all their fresh aggravation and decide to ‘’cut me off?'’
You know, one of the nicer things about being old, eccentric and rich is that you are in a position to tell whomever bugs you, to . . . ‘’KISS MY BELLIGERENT ASS!'’
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TASTY REPAST: Shepherd’s Pie - Minus The Shepherd AND The Pie!
Traditional English Shepherd’s Pie is one of SuEllen’s favorites, but I never cared much for it. As she is mostly English and I am one-half a Brit (plus one half a Frog - and 100% American!) I thought it time that I improve the recipe - if not perfect it. Apparently, I’ve accomplished at least one of those goals because,
I over-made the quantity and thus, we had it two nights in a row, but when I asked S.E. what she wanted for the next evening meal she said, ‘’Could you make another batch of the Shepherd’s Pie?'’ The answer was no, as I was too busy that day so, I made portabello mushroom ‘’hamburgers'’ plus a three baby green salad with tomato and mozzarella slices drizzled with extra virgin olive oil, but that’s another story . . .
INGREDIENTS FOR SHEPHERD’S PIE
6 medium white potatoes. I have yet to try others - such as, yams.
1 medium white, yellow, Bermuda or, most ANY onion.
1 14.5 ounce can of diced tomatoes: Preferably, low sodium, but in any case, thoroughly rinsed and drained.
‘’Some'’ plain soy milk. Quantity determined later - doesn’t take much, though. Could substitute low-fat or no-fat moo-cow milk. (NOT recommended: We’re going for healthy-as-possible here!)
2 pouches (of the normally provided THREE) soy-based ‘’fake ground beef'’- IF by Boca. If by another manufacturer - or if, ‘’real meat'’ - you’ll need about 8 ounces total.
2 14 ounce cans of low-sodium vegetable-based mushroom gravy.
‘’Smart Balance'’ at-the-ready. This is a very delicious, super healthy butter or margarine substitute: I personally prefer the flaxseed oil-based version.
Two tablespoons (used one at a time, separately) of prepared garlic (from a jar) OR some smashed-up fresh garlic.
2 tablespoons of creamy horseradish OR 1 tablespoon of ‘’raw'’ or as its commonly known, ‘’prepared.'’ My French Grandfather used to grow the stuff at ‘’Castle Farm'’ in Monroe, and I well recall how we all had to take turns hand cranking the big oak barrel filled with the raw product (and some small sharp rocks) to grind it up! Nowdays, grab a jar off the supermarket shelf, for gosh sakes!
1 small can (7 pounces) of sliced, rinsed and drained mushrooms OR a cup of cleaned fresh mushrooms. And I don’t care what my favorite teevee cooking babe (Rachel Ray) says: WASH THOSE DANG FRESH MUSHROOMS! Why risk e-coli? It makes NO difference in the taste that I can see.
Have some ground coriander nearby, as well as ‘’No Salt'’ (sodium substitute - it’s costly, but the medicos claim it saves our lives by reducing High Blood Pressure) . . . plus a grinder filled with black peppercorns.
PREPARATION:
Thoroughly wash the potatoes, drain and cut into 1 inch chunks. Drop into a large pot of boiling water, allow to cook until semi-soft - but NOT mushy. Be sure to stir them off the pot’s bottom now and then. No need to add salt to the water as many cooks just automatically do. It adds nothing. Ditto for when cooking pasta!
As the pot boils (Sounds like a title for a Soap Opera!) - peel and dice the onion, and cook it in a medium-size pot with 1/4 inch pure water until soft and translucent. Then, add a couple tablespoons of ‘Smart Balance’ for flavor, plus one tablespoon of the prepared garlic.
Stir, and add both cans of gravy. Mix well and simmer. At this point those ingredients have no need of cooking - just keep ‘em warm.
When the potatoes are done (just fork-poke ‘em to be sure) do NOT rinse - but drain in a colander and dump into a large mixing bowl. Note: Many cooks will suggest putting back in the pot where they were cooked - whether we’re talking potatoes, pasta, rice, etc. I don’t like the thought of that - it’s like having to jump into a tub of someone else’s used bath water . . .
Add ALL of the following to the bowl of cooked potatoes:
3 tablespoons of ‘Smart Balance’
1 tablespoon of prepared garlic
(About) 2 tablespoons of creamy horseradish OR one of prepared style
Soy milk: Start with a SMALL amount - add more, if/as needed.
Now, smash your potatoes and mix all the above ingredients together. If too dense, add a BIT of soy milk at a time. If not careful, you’ll end up with potato SOUP - which is delicious, but not what we’re making here today!
By the way, you may easily mash the potatoes with a hand masher - rather quickly - or more easily, with one of the many power devices available for a few bux these days.
Next, if you and about 3 other healthy appetites are ready to eat, just divvy up the potatoes on large plates, and smother each liberally with the gravy admixture - and have at it! A simple green salad - or a more elaborate one, as we sometimes detail, goes well with this entree. Maybe, a few slices of fresh whole-grain bread or even some crackers. Beverage of your choice - I always suggest a red wine - preferably, the darker, rich-bodied Cabernet.
If you’re done with prep before everyone is ready to dine, just place the two SEPARATE pots of good stuff on low-heat burners, so they’ll be ready to combine when everyone else is.
This concoction is very satisfying and due to the various substitutions we’ve made for the ‘’usual'’ ingredients, it is considerably healthier, as well. Try it and let me know how you like it, and even more important, whether you have any improvements to suggest! mailto:Dean@DAXRICH.com My whole life - and everything in it - is ‘’a work in progress!'’
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DAX-YAX: Oops!
After 20 years of always forgetting both his wife’s birthdays and their anniversaries, Ed was in deep trouble: His wife was totally irate and shouted, ‘’That’s it! I’m sick and tired of your forgetfulness and your uncaring attitude! Tomorrow morning, I’d better look out in the driveway and see something that goes from 0 to 200 in less than six seconds or else!'’
The next morning, Ed got up early and left for work. When his wife later awoke, she looked out the window and saw a small gift-wrapped box in the middle of the driveway.
Confused, she put on her robe, ran outside, scooped of the box and brought it back into the house and opened it to find . . . a brand new bathroom scale.
It says in the paper today that Ed’s funeral services have been scheduled for Friday . . .
-30-
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