This particular e-MEGA-zine edition was posted on 06.25.07 and is published afresh each and every Monday morn.
Well, here we are - ’tis summer, finally!
Wow! Don’t know about YOU but that means to ME lots of hammock time, an infrequent cruise on the DAX-Life ‘’Yacht'’ (all 244 INCHES of it!), the occasional DAX Perfect Martini ('’occasional'’ = whenever I darn well feel like one!) and as much overall ‘’loaf time'’ as I can muster!
I WILL continue to whip out this weekly post as long as YOU let me know that you want me to . . . but make no mistake . . . if YOU neglect to let me know now and then that you DO enjoy this weekly effort . . . to quote Chevy Chase on the old SNL Show . . . ‘’I'm outta here!'’ If I do ‘’disappear,'’ it’s all YOUR fault - HA!
So, decide if you’re getting anything outta this effort - OR NOT - and if so, and you have a friend or two who might also enjoy visiting us from time to time - the only way that’s gonna happen is if YOU tell ‘em about us! Here’s how:
Just paste our URL into an email, click-click and your good deed for the day is DONE! You have probably done more to improve the overall lot of mankind than most of your fellow citizens ever will in their lifetime!
www.DAXRICH.com
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A DAX ‘SMUCKLE:’ It is anticipated (by me) that the currently popular video ‘’Girls Gone Wild!'’ will be followed in, oh, about nine months, with a sequel: ‘’Girls With Child!'’
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-This Week’s Content-
DEAN’S RANT: Just A ‘Coinkydinky,’ You Say?!
MONEY-MAKING: At DAX, Rank DOES Have Its Privileges!
TEST YOUR LITTLE GRAY CELLS: Ain’t THAT Strange?!
PONDER THIS: Cock-A-Doodle Whaaaat?!
WATCH YOUR BACK: Wikopedia Weirdos!
SHORT TAKES: One Of ‘em Is Tasty!
DAX-YAX: Big, Blonde, Boisterous Babes
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DEAN’S RANT: Just A ‘Coinkydinky,’ You Say?!
For most of my life I’ve been fascinated by two facts of our mutual existence that others seem to just ‘’blow off'’ - namely, ‘’Coincidence'’ and ‘’Cause and Effect.'’
In the first instance, I have observed literally, many thousands of times when a so-called ‘’coincidence'’ has occurred, yet the fact is so far out of the realm of mathematical possibility that in my mind, there is some sort of ‘’design'’ at work rather than a mere accident of simultaneous identical or similar happenings. That is NOT the principal thrust of this piece, yet I will now illustrate a couple ‘’coincidences:'’
Often, especially when you work around names and addresses, as we do in this business (obviously), a truly weird thing will happen: An order will come in from say, Honolulu - with a person’s name and address. At exactly the same time, another order will come in from, Des Moines, maybe.
Here’s the mind-bender: The names will be precisely the same - including a middle initial and/or the street address - number and street name and whether it’s an avenue, or boulevard will be identical. Huh?! How can that be?
Now, if we’re talking about Smith or Jones, or Maple Avenue or Main Street - okay, that’s nothing. But when it’s Jason P. Barkley at 4786 Saugatuck Terrace, Apt 408 - I don’t know about YOU, but I sit up and take notice! The theme music from the old ‘’Twilight Zone'’ starts playing in my head . . .
My mother died a couple months short of her 90th birthday on April 27, 1994 at Sturgis Memorial Hospital. The official time of death was 12:23 A.M. Afterwards, SuEllen and I drove my (these days, also ‘late’) brother Wellington to our mother’s house, as that was where he was staying at the time, having come down from his place in Kalamazoo. He had earlier ridden with our mother to the hospital in the ambulance.
When we walked into the house, I looked up at the cuckoo clock on the back dining room wall - a gift I’d picked up for her years before in the Black Forest in Germany. It was stopped dead. Do I NEED to tell you that factually, the time showing was 12:23?!
How about this: Recently, on the TONIGHT SHOW, Leno had a guest who brought on some wild animals, including two small red foxes. Actually, they were not yet red - but would be shortly, the man explained.
The very next DAY whilst I was driving to get a newspaper, I had to come to a screeching halt as two little red foxes (and they were very red) were hunkered down in the middle of the road - not injured or anything, just (we presumed) trying to keep warm from the heat in the pavement, as it was a very cold morning.
SuEllen insisted that the mother must have been killed, but we looked all over and could not find her. Meanwhile, the little foxes scampered into a nearby swamp.
So what? Well, in all the years we have lived in Michigan (or in S.E.’s case, also Northern Indiana) we have each seen a live fox just twice before! Now, together we are 115 years in ‘’these-here'’ parts so don’t you think it odd the day after seeing two foxes on Leno’s show (that) we saw two in our own backyard, practically?
Okay, one other recent ‘’coincidence:'’ During a trip home from a Sunday dinner with our friends, Floyd and Marie, I asked him if he had ever read Napoleon Hill’s most famous of all positive-thinking books, ‘’Think And Grow Rich!'’
He said no, so I filed a mental note to buy him a first edition copy for his upcoming (95th!) birthday. Not that he needs any of ol’ Nappy’s wisdom - Floyd could have written the book himself, but he enjoys reading anything BUT fiction. (I’m not sure, but I don’t think he’s even ever read any of MY Novels - although he has autographed copies of all of ‘em!)
Anyway, within 12 hours after our conversation, I received an email from longtime DAX-DOER Mark Lambert, who informed me that he had received an email from Napoleon Hill’s grandson, in which he nicely detailed a number of things about the late author. That, because Mark has been acquiring old copies of ‘’Think And Grow Rich!'’ which he sells on eBay. I can assure you that I did NOT know any of that but there again, is that simply a coincidence?!
Consider this hypothetical, as it illustrates why I’ve always been a bit slow in just ‘’accepting'’ the concept OF coincidence: The M & M candy company decides to launch a big campaign to garner publicity for their new first-ever PURPLE M & Ms. With all the cameras running they send a big plane up with ten million M & M candies in all the basic colors - red, green, brown, yellow, etc. But only TWO of the new purple ones.
It is announced that whoever finds the purple M & Ms (which also have special identifying NUMBERS engraved very small - to avoid cheating!) - that person will receive a one million dollar cash prize!
At about three thousand feet the plane dumps out all ten million (and two!) M & Ms and they cascade towards the earth - covering many miles as the wind scatters them far and wide.
Within fifteen minutes a 12 year old kid comes to the press area with BOTH purple M & Ms, the officials verify their authenticity, and he wins the million bux!
Now, would you write THAT off as a mere coincidence? In my mind, there is SOMETHING greater at work there - no idea WHAT - but something . . .
And as I say, for the past many decades, that sort of thing happens on a VERY regular basis to ME - and I find it, at once, fascinating and frustrating!
Then, There’s The Well-Known ‘’Cause And Effect'’ Phenomenon:
It was actually the fairly recent Imus dust-up that got me thinking anew about the subject: The minute his detractors heard his famous ‘’3 word Swan Song'’ - they used that ‘’cause'’ for a very major ‘’effect,'’ eh wot?
As the aftermath unfolded it was easy to see the initial effects gain momentum and CAUSE even greater EFFECTS - with each and every rehash of the various events that surrounded the first, comparatively very small cause - those 3 offensive words that Imus uttered.
A current teevee commercial further illustrates the very real possibilities to be suffered from the WRONG cause and effect: I think it’s a Comcast commercial where a woman walks into an office and says, ‘’Hello Ron'’ and for reasons known only to Ron, he mocks her - which sets her off. She sweeps away stuff from a nearby desk and in quick order, all hell breaks loose, as one employee after another reacts negatively, etc.
Years ago in one of my very first published books, ‘’Blue Print For Financial Success! ‘’ - long out of print, by the way, I hypothesized how a person who wanted to create GOOD will in his life, as well as for those around him, could easily do so by starting each day with a kind word to someone - in this case, I recall it was at a donut shop. As an experiment, I suggested trying just the opposite tact on another day and see how people would react - poorly.
That New Jersey Governor who was recently in a horrible accident provides several examples of cause and effect - both good and bad. First, he was travelling at a high rate of speed with his driver on their way to the Governor’s Mansion for a meeting between Don Imus and the young women from Rutger’s University.
Let’s back up: There never would have been the NEED for such a meeting had that despicable religious duo, the ‘Reverends’ Sharptongue and Jackass not made a blown-out-of-proportion issue out of Imus’ dumb comment. But they did. So, a ‘’mea culpa'’ meeting was scheduled - and the meeting turned out fairly well, despite the Governor ending up in the hospital and having to spend many subsequent months in rehabilitation.
Oh, and had the Gov been wearing his seat belt - and his driver had not been driving 91 MPH - perhaps, he would now be in much better shape! More cause and effect, to be sure!
But continuing with the Imus saga:
A whole lot of people now wish they had never made such an issue out of the deal because many OTHERS have gotten caught up in the notion that since it seems okay to destroy one man’s 40 year career for a few ill-spoken words - why not destroy MANY careers of those others who regularly spew forth vulgarities as part and parcel of their ‘’acts'’ - their singing, rapping or whatever passes for music these days!
Why not? Let’s burn all the Cds, fire the artists, put a few promoters in jail, and so forth! THAT’S what some are calling for! Cause and effect . . .
It’s sort of like that old theory that was floating around a couple decades back where a butterfly flaps his wings in Southeast Asia and sets off a chain of events that soon occur in all other parts of the world - some good - others not so.
Oh well . . . time for a Perfect DAX Martini which I trust will cause a really pleasant effect in ME soon after . . .
-Dean
P.S. This week’s post is, theoretically anyway, our LAST one in which we will devote so much detailed coverage of ANY given topic. Starting next week (July 2, 2007) it is our plan to cut way back on superfluous and/or colorful verbiage and make an honest attempt at sticking to just bare-bones data in each piece that we publish.
That, because we have been convinced by ‘’others'’ that today’s internet visitors have a very short attention span. Will the drastic change make any difference in the amount of time visitors spend here? ‘’We shall see what we shall see!'’
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MONEY-MAKING: At DAX, Rank DOES Have Its Privileges!
If you are an established DAX Dealer (and who in their right money-making-mind wouldn’t be?!) - you are entitled to the 100% FREE monthly ‘’DAX Dealer Deep Discount Offers'’ that have saved genuine DAX-DOERS many thousands of dollars just since February of this year!
Simply send in the eligibility chit (at the very bottom of your initial or current bulletin) with an SASE.
If you are NOT yet ‘’in'’ on all this great stuff - well, it all starts with a visit to http://www.DAXFAX.com Just click on that URL and see how quickly and dramatically YOUR life may improve!
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TEST YOUR LITTLE GRAY CELLS: Ain’t THAT Strange?!
As you know, groups of various animals, fish, birds and such are categorized by special names: A herd of cattle, a flock of sheep (and/or birds, oddly enough), a school of fish, a pride of lions, a litter of kittens, a pod of whales, etc. Any idea what a bunch of crows are called? If not, I bet you cannot guess it!
THINK HARD for awhile before reading the following:
When the answer to one of these deals is just one word, I generally add some verbiage (like now) to make it difficult for those who ‘’cheat'’ - (not YOU, of course!) - by scanning ahead to see what the answer is, which in this case is ‘’murder'’ - the actual designation for a passel of crows! Now, c’mon! Would you have ever guessed that one? I certainly did not.
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PONDER THIS: Cock-A-Doodle Whaaaat?!
Each morning, for as long as anyone could remember, Cocky, Farmer Brown’s head rooster, awakened very early, strutted out to his elevated perch in the barnyard and crowed with robust volume. He could often be heard even in the farthest reaches of the huge farm, and all within earshot were forced to arise and prepare for the day’s work.
Immediately after his ritualistic crowing routine, Cocky would descend to the common area where his harem of eager hens congregated. As they gathered around, Cocky would once again boast how his daily crowing not only awakened all of the earth’s creatures but the very sun, itself. For it was true: Almost at once after the daily crowing ended, all could see the great orange orb starting to appear in the Eastern sky.
One day, tired of hearing his daily boasting and even more tired of the old cock’s penchant for servicing only the younger hens - to the exclusion of old biddies such as herself - Clarissa, considered the oldest and wisest in the entire flock, could no longer hold back.
Following the rooster’s usual braggadocio, Clarissa stepped forward and declared loudly, ‘’You stupid old bird! You do not cause the sun to rise! It is nature - not your crowing - that is responsible. The sun would rise whether you crowed your gizzard out or not!'’
Amused but peeved, Cocky retorted smugly, ‘’Oh, really? Well, let’s just see: Tomorrow, I shall sleep in late - something I have not done since I was in the shell. I will not perform my daily duty of crowing which brings the sun up - and we’ll see what happens!'’
All of the flock, save Clarissa, gasped at the thought that there would be no sun the next day. How would that affect their laying schedule? Would they be able to find their scampering chicks in the dark? Would they even be able to find corn to eat? ‘’Oh woe is us,'’ they moaned collectively.
The next morning, true to his word, Cocky slept in, but at the precise time that everyone knew the sun normally appeared - right after Cocky’s crowing - it did! The sun came up even though there had not been so much as a hoarse peep from anybody!
Now, Clarissa was at the center of attention - all the hens and chicks hopped around her - in proper pecking order, of course(!) - and lauded her superior knowledge and intelligence.
Just as she was starting to enjoy her new-found celebrity, Cocky awoke, and startled to see the bright sun, strolled rather than strutted to the edge of the assemblage, speechless. The flock turned to him with derision just as a total eclipse of the sun commenced. All stared in disbelief at the gradual darkening of the sky, slack-beaked and bewildered.
Inspired, Cocky rose up, thrust out his chest and strutted over to his exalted perch and declared loudly, ‘’The sun appeared at first, merely from a force of habit, despite my not crowing this morning . When it realized that for the first time-ever I had NOT crowed, it started to darken. Now, I shall crow and bring it back - and hereafter, I do not want to hear any more criticism of my superior abilities.'’
Cocky crowed madly - louder and much longer than ever before in his lofty career, and soon, the eclipse dissipated. The sun once again shone brightly! Farmer Brown’s wife had been standing outside the fence, and intrigued by the entire interchange of her husband’s feathered workers, plus half-believing what she had overheard, that evening she treated her family to a tasty, roasted Clarissa-chicken dinner.
What is the moral of this story? Well, you can pick from one of the following or better still, write one of your own - and then send it to me:
I’ll select the best one, and the winner will receive a 100% Free gold ‘n’ silver-color, faux, Rolex calendar watch - gift boxed. Choice of a man’s or woman’s! Looks darn near exactly the same as SuEllen’s and my own real ones! We’d better impose a reasonable deadline - how about June 30, 2007?
Some of MY suggested morals:
Smart chicks can be as delectable as dumb ones. (Amanda Peet, Sandra Bullock, Jane Skinner . . . SuEllen!)
Cocky-ness is a staple of all good leaders - even when it’s misplaced. (Saddam Hangedssein, Adolf Shitler, Osama-Been-Lost-Lately - every political candidate who ever put his name in the hat.)
When you really don’t have the ‘’goods,'’ a great bluff sometimes works. (ENRON, Phen-Fen, WorldCom plus all winning poker players throughout history).
It’s not too difficult to fool someone - especially, when you tell them what they want to hear or better still, already believe. For starters, that fabled choir (as in, ‘’You’re preaching to the choir!'’) Further:
Every genuinely fat person {or a skinny person who has convinced herself she is fat} whom you promise that you have the miracle solution to make them thin. Every person rich or poor who hears someone promise to show them how to ‘’get rich overnight!'’
Just because you’re super-smart or highly-educated does not guarantee safety, respect or success. (Abraham Lincoln, John F. Kennedy, Timothy McVeigh and every Ph.d. who ends up selling underwear at J. C. Penny’s.)
WHAT’S IN A {NICK}-NAME!
On the day my mother died (April 27, 1994) her last words to me were (and I’m not kidding), ‘’Deanie, take care of SuEllen {and} . . . stay out of the refrigerator!'’ She must have had some confidence in me, lest she would have said, ‘’SuEllen take care of Deanie!'’ She was the last person in the Universe to call me ‘’Deanie,'’ by the way!
The refrigerator part . . . well, that’s a long story having to do with my perpetual hunger during my ‘yute’ and the fact that I eventually learned that, despite BEING hungry all the time, I was not allowed to just willy-nilly go to the family’s larder and partake of food at will. As to the ‘’Deanie'’ part:
That’s simply what everyone called me when I was a kid, because my family started calling me that when I was a cute little fellow (as opposed to NOW, when I am a cute LARGE fellow!) When my late son, Dean Jr., was born, he quickly became Deanie, and everyone started calling me by my actual given name. I hated that, by the way. To this day I have NEVER liked my first name - don’t know why - just a fact.
Over the years, I have come to learn that people who are given nicknames - and generally, that is done by a mother or father - are considered (by psychologists, at least) to be more loved. For what that’s worth (not a darn thing!) I never felt THAT!
Those who track and study such things claim that nicknamed people tend to be more successful in life and have fewer hang-ups. (Well, just look at ME and you’ll blow that theory right outta the bathtub! Successful - yes! But, less ‘’hang-ups?'’ I have an entire psycho-101 class weird-o’s worth!)
My late brother, Wellington, was always called ‘’Duke,'’ (per The Duke of Wellington.) And sister, Daisy Marie, was Daisy ‘’Mae'’ - as in Daisy Mae (Scraggs) from the Li’l Abner comic strip. So, we all had nicknames.
Anyway, my youngest daughter, Dominique Desirée Du Vall (sounds great altogether - she should have kept the last name when she married - especially, since then, she has divorced!) was dubbed ‘’P.C.'’ by yours truly about the second day after her arrival on this planet. I was holding her in my lap the same way I always hold little kittens - belly-up so, I can tickle the heck outta them - and just decided to call her ‘’Pussy Cat'’ - P.C. for short.
Others started calling her that - and of course, like most kids, she hated it. I know that today, (at 37), she definitely dislikes that moniker, although, only SuEllen, plus her one remaining grandmother, Ingy, and myself actually call her that any more. Everyone else has ‘’conformed.'’
Why don’t I quit? Same reasoning behind Cliff Huxtable (Bill Cosby) when arguing with his teevee son about something. The kid said heatedly, ‘’I didn’t ask to be born, you know!'’ To which his ‘’father'’ calmly replied, ‘’Yes, that’s right - and if you had - the answer would have been . . . NO!'’
Parental rights, you see . . .
Regardless, if you were lucky enough to be stuck with some supercilious nickname when you were younger - consider yourself lucky. And yes, that goes for you too, Suziebell . . . (That’s what S.E.’s father, Fred, called her when she was a cute little bugger . . . and I hasten to ADD that now, she is a cute MATURE bugger! Somehow, that doesn’t sound right, does it . . . ? )
By the way, Fred called the other night and we spoke for awhile: He’s just a little bit older than myself (SuEllen’s mother is actually a couple months YOUNGER) and like me, he is having a great time with various fresh projects and business interests in his/my ‘’dotage.'’ He’s building a new house himself and remodelling another one.
Told me he had just bought an assembled ‘’kit car'’ down in Texas which he trailered back to Arkansas. It’s a convertible, looks like an old Stutz Bearcat and I can’t wait to see the pictures! Been after him for years to get his ‘’first'’ convertible - I’ve always had at least one or two in the stable for as long as I can remember. Don’t see how anyone can go through life without one - just way too much driving enjoyment. Keeps you young - or at least, THINKING you are . . .
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WATCH YOUR BACK: Wikopedia Weirdos!
One of my peeps, Robin, recently informed me that a website called Wikopedia had an article about me so, naturally - I put it on my list of stuff to do - and two nights later I went to visit it. Not bad, but there were several typos:
For starters, the ‘’Sr.'’ did not appear after my name - very important considering there (was) a Junior and there still IS a Dean III. Next, it said something about my having written three dozens books, when in fact, it is more like 80, at last count.
Also, whilst not critical, it stated that our PRINT periodical for many a year was discontinued in 2005 when in fact, it was just recently: The February edition of 2007 was the very last-ever of that publication.
ANYWAY, I told Robin of the errors and asked her to correct them. HOLY CRAP! Little did I realize that I was sending her into some sort of ‘’tekkie twilight zone!'’ She reported back that when she attempted to make the changes, she was ‘’challenged'’ - was refused access - told that our IP number had been identified as being responsible for repeated violations of the hallowed Wikopedia code of ethics, etc., etc. - and further purely nonsensical untruths!
We have NEVER-ever had anything to do with that outfit and whilst one of our long-time DAXERS once asked for permission TO place an article there (but never seemed to be able to follow through with actually DOING it) we ourselves have had zilch to do with the site.
This really ticked me off so, I contacted the Wicky-Pee-Pee People and gave them the ‘’what-for.'’ Turns out, the site is some small-time outfit with volunteer people who spend most of their time elsewhere: The person who was designated as ‘’the'’ contact said that he was unable to respond, as he is busy with college, etc.
Pure Amish Road Apples!
Perhaps, by now either the piece on yours truly has been fixed or deleted - frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn either way!
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SHORT TAKES: One Of ‘em Is Tasty!
$$$: If you really like Will Farrell - a popular SNL performer - then, you probably do NOT need me to tell you that he has been receiving a great deal of ‘’press'’ lately as the result of an internet site featuring him and the little baby daughter of a friend in which they engage in a give ‘n’ take conversation involving some rather unsavory language. It IS funny - nasty, as it may be! Here’s the URL:
$$$: During the recent Paris Hilton dust-up, it was particularly amusing to watch all the super-jealous cable news media sluts being unable to contain themselves when they heard that Paris was being forced back into the slammer. One such, a babe on CNN, literally yelled gleefully and orgasmically, ‘’I love it! I love it!'’ - upon hearing/reporting the news.
Those ignorant ‘’over-the-hill'’ females just do not ‘’get it,'’ do they . . . Actually, I suppose they DO - that’s why they’re so pissed - HA!
$$$: Peculiar & Practical Properties of Peppermint! Some intersting uses:
1. To treat a baby with colic. Went to get my Sunday paper recently and the counter-girl was holding her newborn. She had no choice but to bring him to the job. No one would baby sit the kid as he did little more than cry constantly. I explained to her (name of Grace - same as my late mother’s) that the kid was not being nasty - that his stomach was HURTING.
Suggested she put some peppermint in a bottle of warm water and administer. Also suggested to her (and to YOU) that first, a call to the baby’s doctor for approval was necessary. Next time I saw her she was beaming - thanked me profusely, as the remedy totally solved the problem!
Note: In above application (not the one that follows) you can use most any peppermint candy dissolved in the warm water. Also, if the preferred peppermint is not immediately available, a LITTLE plain old sugar will sometimes work, too.
2. Peppermint essential oil when applied in an area where you need to repel rodents - especially, nesting mice, works exceedingly well. Each year since we moved to BLUE HERON POINT, when Spring rolled around we had to call in the A/C guys to rewire the outside condenser as mice would crawl up in there (no matter how well the entrances were blocked - with steel wool, no less!) make a nest and chew up the insulation on the wires and short the thing out.
Couple hundred bux each time. I studied the problem, applied peppermint oil all around the area in question and for past two years - no problem! No little Mickey-Miceys!
3. Peppermint is just plain tasty, too! The original ALTOIDS (which Joan Rivers put me onto years ago when I invested - and LOST! - a hundred grand in her movie, ‘’Rabbit Test'’) was my favorite for years until the much MORE tasty WINTERGREEN ALTOIDS came along! Also, have you tried the new chocolate-covered version? We dare not have ‘em around HERE as they’re impossible to resist . . . box after box after box . . . !
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DAX-YAX: Big, Blonde, Boisterous Babes
A totally blind man accidentally wanders into a bar that catered exclusively to blonde lesbians. (Could be - buy the premise - buy the bit, as Carson used to say!)
He fumbles his way to a bar stool and orders a drink. After sitting awhile, he says to the barkeep, ‘’Hey, you wanna hear a good blonde joke?'’
The bar falls absolutely silent. Then, in a very deep husky voice the woman sitting next to him says, ‘’Sir, before you tell that joke, I think it’s only fair, since you are blind, to tell you five things:
1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
2. The bouncer is a 200 pound blonde woman who won her weight class in a recent boxing match.
3. I am a 6 foot tall, 175 pound blonde with a black belt in karate.
4. The woman sitting next to me is a blonde professional weight lifter.
5. The lady to your right is a blonde professional wrestler.
Now, think about it seriously, mister: Do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?'’
The blind man thinks for only a moment, shakes his head and mutters, ‘’Well, no . . . not if I’m gonna have to explain it five times!'’
-30-
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