Posted 02.25.08
{Did You Know That For The Past Two Years A BRAND NEW Edition Has Arrived Here Bright ‘n’ Early Every Monday Morn? Did You Also Know That There Will Be Just Four More Editions And DAXRICH.com Will Be History?}
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Most visitors to this weekly e-MEGA-zine are what we call DAX-DOERS - folks who work hard to improve their lot in life - and also, who SHARE their good fortune with others. If that includes YOU, please pass along our URL (www.DAXRICH.com) to someone else you really care about and invite them to come visit whenever it’s convenient - 24/7/365 . . . 366 days, this year!
That is an excellent way to ensure that all of this good stuff continues to reach an audience large enough to make it worthwhile for us to present this love-fest every week. Well, that and you could also BUY something now and then, too!
In each edition we strive to provide a variety of ‘helps,’ inspiration and original concepts to help improve YOUR Health, Wealth & Wisdom!
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A LENO ‘SMUCKLE:’
‘’A government report says that the cause of the highest number of annual deaths in America is the automobile. But the back seat of American automobiles accounts for the most new life.'’
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-THIS WEEK’S LIST OF {8} DAX LIFE-ENHANCERS!-
DEAN’S RANT: When the ‘Green Ripper’ Comes A-calling . . .
MONEY-MAKING: Morbid Necessity = Profits To Die For . . .
HEALTH BOOSTER: Ivory Soap: 99.44% . . . BUNK?
MEDIA CRITIQUE: Edgy Trumps Reruns!
PONDER THIS: Where’s My Spell-Check Checker When I Need It?!
WATCH OUT: Must ‘Thrifty’ Equal CRAPPY?!
SHORT TAKES: Have A heart - Save A Heart!
DAX-YAX: Step To The Rear, Please . . .
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DEAN’S RANT: When the ‘Green Ripper’ Comes A-calling . . .
Something I’ve learned the ‘hard way:’ When you have good reason to believe that your personal death is imminent and then, for whatever reason you ‘dodge the proverbial bullet’ - everything around you looks a whole lot different.
No, it does not automatically need to make of you some sort of sappy dipstick - forgiving all the nincompoops for their stupid ways - but it does provide an interesting ‘take’ on most everything in your sphere, as you realize how most things that heretofore occupied a great deal of your time and concern - are really NOT all that ‘important.’
Most everyone gets all jacked out of shape as the result of any number of their own or fellow human’s foibles. It’s natural. But I gotta tell you, once you come face to face with the ‘Grim Reaper’ (or as my late friend and fellow author, John D. McDonald, called him in one of his popular Travis McGee books, ‘’The Green Ripper!'’) and you’ve managed to kick the old fart in the posterior and thus, out of your way: All that stuff that normally bugs you becomes trivial and is of no import.
It all comes back to what I’ve been ‘preaching’ for lo, these 46 years now:
Figure out a way to ‘’Be Your Own Boss!'’- never settle for working for someone else as THEIR employee. Make a bundle of bux and save a goodly amount of it so you and yours are safe and secure. Place yourself in a position to be able to fund pretty much whatever ’tis you want or want to do! No matter how long it takes (it took ME 50 damn years!), find a good mate who shares most, if not all of your values.
Read, travel, study, improve all aspects of your life at every turn and for dang sure, have two-three DAX Perfect Martinis every day and remember, for gosh sakes, that’s with SEVEN stuffed green olives - not 8 - not 6 - but SEVEN!
-Dean
P.S. Plus . . . laugh as much as possible! F’rinstance: A fellow I know has been married and divorced many times. When asked if he thought he’d ever marry again, he exclaimed, ‘’Heck yes! I just love the smell of a brand new wife!'’
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MONEY-MAKING: Morbid Necessity = Profits To Die For . . .
There’s a guy out in California (where else?!) - a genuine DAX-DOER if there ever was one - who has managed to capitalize on death in a big way - even to the extent where he’s franchising his concept!
Vidal Herrera, permanently disabled from his previous job of carting away too many overweight corpses (true fact!) now runs a company called Autopsy/Post Services, Inc.
As such, in conjunction with a dozen or so area doctors, he offers an autopsy service which has become quite popular, because ‘automatic autopsies’ are no longer the norm in most places. Owing to escalating costs, generally, autopsies are ordered only in those cases where death may have occurred under suspicious or otherwise unexplained circumstances.
However, many relatives are anxious to know the cause of routine deaths for a variety of reasons including legal, medical, genetics and so forth. Probably, the authorities don’t care why grandma bought the farm - but perhaps, you do. So you call up Vidal who tells us that 20 years ago some 50 percent of people who died had an autopsy whereas today, less than 5 percent do.
Recently, someone offered $14 million to buy him out, but he demurred, opting for the franchise route, instead. He sells ‘em for $30,000.00 apiece, in case you’re interested. Maybe I should take all this more seriously:
We have an awful lot of doctors and others in related fields who visit here - this might just be their ticket to an ‘eerie success!’ His phone number is: 1-800-AUTOPSY and he has a website, as well: www.1800.autopsy.com
Herrera is also launching a new $2.00 catalog featuring coffee mugs, pens, jackets, T-shorts and such - all with his unique phone number plus a scene of an autopsy-in-progress (whoopee!) - and of course, said catalog was launched on (yep) . . . Halloween!
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HEALTH BOOSTER: Ivory Soap: 99.44% . . . BUNK?
Mentioned recently that I celebrated my 68th birthday on Valentine’s Day by going to the hospital and having a colonoscopy. LOL as the instant-texters would say!
There was a surgical nurse there, Sally, who made the whole nasty experience only half bad. We chatted and exchanged tales of living on lakes as we both do, painful hip problems which we both have, and a mutual penchant for hearing about - and sometimes trying - various strange and often amusing holistic and offbeat medical remedies.
I told her about the ‘nine drunken, shriveled-up grapes’ and green tea for treating arthritis (which I’ve detailed for YOU in the past) and she let me in on a new one I had not heard before: The idea of placing two different bars of soap under the bed sheets to forestall RLS (Restless Leg Syndrome) - leg cramps . . . WOW!
Well, I made a mental note of that and couldn’t wait to get back to the office to GOOGLE that! By the way, per usual (I have a colonoscopy every 3 - 5 years) I had THOUGHT that I’d be okay to drive home after the procedure despite the sedation, but as she always does, S.E. insisted on accompanying me and then driving, as well.
We stopped and had a big breakfast afterwards, she dropped me off at BLUE HERON POINTE instead of the office and apparently, I fell asleep for a few hours in the nearest La-Z-Boy. Woke up around noon, the Stubby-Butt cat in my lap and with no recollection of anything earlier in the day INCLUDING the big breakfast, because now I was hungry!
Eventually, I GOOGLED the soap under the sheets deal and could not find any reference to two DIFFERENT soaps in any of the 16,500 websites devoted to the topic. However, many seemed to feel that only IVORY soap was the most effective. Years ago, IVORY had non stop commercials on the radio which touted the fact that only IVORY soap could float, because it was ‘’99 and 44/100 percent PURE!'’
Well, we’ll see! I put one bar of it under the lower center of my bed sheet and another bar under the pillow case on one of the king size pillows. Every fifteen minutes during the two hours nightly that I actually SPEND in bed, I use the pillow to prop up the stupid leg that is prone to those friggin’ spasms. (Yes, of course, I sleep alone - always have! Separate beds, separate bedrooms and separate bathrooms equal separate thoughts and individual independence. It also averts MANY a nocturnal argument!)
ABOUT THE GREEN TEA AND THE ALCOHOLIC RAISINS
Some months back we reported that we had finally - after many years of hearing about it - caved in and tried the ‘raisin routine’ for treating arthritis. The deal is simple but odd: You place a batch of (only) golden raisins in a bowl, pour gin over them, cover and allow to marinate for 7 days. Every day or so you’re supposed to take a spoon and churn the raisins a bit from the bottom up.
Each day after the 7th day, you eat exactly NINE raisins - no more - no less. This, it is said, will all but eliminate any arthritic pain. Many people swear by it - believe it or not! We did NOT believe it, and therefore it was several years before we tried it.
At that same time, I had come across some rather obscure research on the outstanding benefits of consuming green tea. I make a big batch of iced green tea for S.E. every day which she transfers to a thermos and takes to her office. I also serve her iced green tea every evening with dinner. She has never had any problems with arthritis, as many people hereabouts do - even at her tender age of 49. (My sister’s youngest boy had arthritis starting around age 7 - 8!)
I elected to use the decaffeinated variety for myself and started drinking 2 full quarts every day in place of the ice water I’ve always religiously drunk. (Wonder what a religious drunk looks like . . . maybe, he crosses himself as he imbibes another beer?!)
I have always consumed a LOT of filtered ice water (and NO - I do NOT have diabetes!) so, switching to tea was no big deal - just tastier, as I experimented with various ways to flavor it and settled on adding a tablespoon of strawberry extract to each fresh batch.
Before long, it was obvious that my almost constant arthritis pain was considerably alleviated, but I was not at all sure why - was it the green tea or could it possibly be the inebriated tiny fruits?
A few weeks went by and I started getting serious heartburn which I had not had since I became a ‘mostly vegetarian.’ Whenever something starts seeming ‘out-of-place’ it has been my practise to simply STOP everything, fast completely for 2-3 days and then start slowly reintroducing items into my diet routine until I discover what’s what.
In this case, it was not long before I discovered that all that green tea was giving me bad heartburn so I quit it altogether. Resumed drinking plain ice water.
I went back to my regular routine with everything else as well, including the 9 daily gin-soaked raisins - hey! Maybe, they were mitigating the arthritis pain at that! Before long though, ol’ Arthur’ made a return visit - with a vengeance. So ’tis a trade-off for me - no green tea = arthritis pain . . . lots of green tea = lessening of pain but also, nasty heartburn. Oh well, that’s what makes life intersting, eh wot?!
I’ll let you know how IVORY performs in my bed . . . (Wouldn’t it be funny if SuEllen only saw that one last line of this post?!)
Oh, just thought of something: When I was about 11, I had a girl friend by the name of Jeannie Lytle. Now that I think about it (and never have before until this very moment) she looked a lot like I bet SuEllen must have at the same age - long dark blond hair, thin build and generally, just nifty!)
Jeannie and I would walk to school together every day and chat. One day, she told me that she’d like me to start calling her a certain word of endearment but she was too shy to say what it was. I persisted and finally she said it was the name of a popular soap. That’s all she’d tell me.
I went home and pondered that one non stop until the next day. I was too embarrassed to ask my parents or brother or sister for ideas so I walked around the kitchen and bathroom areas to get an idea for soap names. Tide . . . no. . . Fels-naphtha . . . no. Palmolive? No, don’t think so. At last I had it - the only soap that sounded feminine.
When I first saw her the next morning I exclaimed proudly, ‘’Why, good morning, Ivory!'’ She was not particularly thrilled with me after that, as I finally discovered that the soap she had in mind was . . . ‘Sweetheart.’
INTERESTING UPDATES:
Well, the soap under the sheets did naughty-naught for me! But recently, as I started work on a desktop computer (I’ve gotten to prefer that over a laptop - except when I’m out on the DAX-LIFE ‘Yacht’) - my right leg started to cramp up and spasm horribly. I couldn’t sit down and it took a longer than usual time to stop the episode.
Then, I got a bright idea, got a bar of IVORY soap and taped it directly over the area on the right calf that is prone to spasm. Almost instantly, the spasm subsided and I had no further problem all day and actually forgot I had the soap on THIS dope until I was getting ready for bed.
I reasoned that it must require direct contact of the soap to the spasm area, no? Okay, this morning - I am adding this addendum to the above article because I got a SECOND brilliant idea:
My left hip was hurting especially badly so . . . yep . . . I taped a bar of IVORY directly over the ouch-area and believe it or not - NO MORE COTTON-PICKIN’ PAIN! Don’t know why - don’t care - but it’s been over a full hour now with absolutely NO pain whatsoever - so, I untaped the soap and removed it. Will need to come up with either a thinner bar of soap and/or a better means of keeping it next to the afflicted area (’cause the tape itches!) - but you can be darn sure that I WILL!
You should try this, but of course, as dumb as it all sounds, you must first check with your personal medical advisor, lawyer, stock broker, financial advisor, minister/priest/rabbi/mother or whomever you feel should counsel you before making such an extraordinary decision . . .
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MEDIA CRITIQUE: Edgy Trumps Reruns!
Just when most television viewers had more than ‘had it’ with striking writers and recalcitrant producers and other ‘big bosses’ alike . . . and had started playing board games with family members . . . perhaps, even starting more or less meaningful conversations with them, as well . . . or horror of horrors, resorting to actually picking up a BOOK(!) . . .
. . . along came a couple teevee-viewer life-savers in the form of AMC’s ‘’Breaking Bad'’ and then, a couple weeks later, a real kicker in the guise of a gay-sounding work entitled, ‘’Dexter'’ - on CBS, of all places.
The AMC production, making its first of several subsequent appearances weekly, airs at 10:00 P.M. Sunday and stars Bryan Cranston, who was the befuddled father on FOX’s long-running ‘’Malcolm In The Middle.'’ Here, he takes befuddlement to the level of outright despair as a father of a physically challenged teenage son and husband to a woman who is about to deliver another child which we can only presume was a mid-life ‘oops.’
Cranston is a high school chemistry teacher who has almost-for-sure terminal lung cancer. He has many financial obligations, loses his second job at a car wash, and through some almost believable events ends up not only manufacturing Crystal Meth (and selling the stuff via one of his ne’er-do-well ex students) but is also forced to murder a couple rival drug dealers.
This is a very gritty but equally entertaining series, hard as that may be to believe! It is further evidence that AMC is on a significant ‘roll’ in producing top-notch, fresh-topic series. One such is ‘’DIRT,'’ starring Courteney Cox (produced in conjunction with her husband - cannot think of his name - you know, the fellow whom everyone said, ‘’But why would beautiful Courteney Cox marry HIM?)
Another ‘’can’t miss no matter what'’ is the truly ground-breaking (for television) ‘’The Riches'’ which features relative, big-screen, heavy-weights, Eddie Izzard and Minnie Driver. Both series are returning for the new season in a week or so - and none too soon!
The second recent and unexpected pop-up on network broadcasting is the aforementioned ‘’Dexter.'’ There are enough similarities to my own work therein to make me wonder if, at some time, I was drugged and my brain’s hard drive downloaded:
The show’s title, ‘’Dexter'’ is also the protagonist’s name and he is played as almost a social innocent by Michael C. Hall - remarkable, given the gory sub plot of the series. You’ll remember Hall and his stellar performance as the queer mortician brother in the HBO much-heralded ‘’Six Feet Under.'’ (When that series ‘went under’ along with Deadwood and the Sopranos - HBO also bit the dust at BLUE HERON POINTE: We cancelled it!)
Anyhow . . . everyone calls the main character in Dexter, Dex . . . which sounds like DAX . . . his boat is called ‘’Slices Of Life'’ which is one of MY compilations of 12 short stories . . . and most coincidental, the theme of the show is where Dexter plays a ‘good person’ who goes around not just killing bad guys that the cops cannot nail (and his own sister is one of said cops) but first torturing them just an itty bit before proceeding to dismember the bodies and distribute carefully-wrapped pieces - where we do no know (yet).
A novel that I once wrote, ‘’Vengeance Is Mine, Sayeth . . . ‘’ but decided to quash at the last moment, was based entirely on the premise of an anonymous, small group of people who become fed up with a justice system that exonerates perpetrators of heinous crimes owing to glib shysters capitalizing on small quirks in the law.
They make it their mission to not just dispose of the miscreants but capture, contain and torture them unmercifully for days, weeks or months before dispatching them to that great schoolyard in hell, for in most cases, the culprits were child molesters.
The extent, type and number of their foul deeds determine the extent, type and repetitiveness of their torture prior to their final demise.
Now, THERE’S a cause we can all get behind and support, eh wot?!
Anyway . . . other than the above great presentations, fortunately, we do still have ‘’Boston legal'’ almost every Tuesday at 10:00 P.M. on ABC - when it’s not preempted by some supercilious award show. ‘’BL,'’ despite cast changes, continues to hold up strongly and WILL until or unless they decide to dump either the Spader or Shatner characters. Then, it will suffer an instant death.
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PONDER THIS: Where’s My Spell-Check Checker When I need it?!
I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. Baecsue of the phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to rsceraeh at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn’t mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are. The olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and yiu can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mind deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig, eh wot?!
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TEST YOUR LITTLE GRAY CELLS: Ford’s ‘Better Idea,’ Perhaps?
This is a true story. Many years ago a letter arrived at Ford Motor Company, so intriguing it was passed on to the Chief Honcho. He immediately called in his head engineer and handing him the letter said, ‘’Go visit this customer. He’s written to us several times now, and I don’t think he’s a nut even though he keeps saying that his brand new Ford is somehow allergic to vanilla ice cream and he demands to know why. Report back to me on this!'’
The engineer is soon at the customer’s house, where the man explains the situation: ‘’For years now, about three times every week during the summer I’ll ask the wife and kids what kind of ice cream they want - then I’ll drive down to the store and get it. Never had a problem until I got that new Ford there and really, there’s no problem whenever they want chocolate or strawberry. But dang it, every time they ask for vanilla, when I come outta the store that durn Ford just won’t start! Now, I wanna know why that is?!'’
The engineer required only a short time to figure it out. How about you - do you have a logical answer? Scroll down to the bottom of this page to see if it resembles the one conjured up by the Ford engineer.
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WATCH OUT: Must ‘Thrifty’ Equal CRAPPY?!
We very recently received in the mail a 5 1/2 X 8 1/2 stapled sales brochure for ‘’THRIFTY PRINTS, INC.'’ of Baraboo, Wisconsin.
Oh Lordy, Lordy, Lordy! How is it possible that ANY printer would send out to prospective customers nothing but 16 pages of the WORST examples of printing one could imagine? Oh, what a waste! We’re talking smudges, wash-outs, specks, splotches, jammed-together text - whatever ‘nasty’ you can think of when it comes to ‘bad printing’ you’ll find in the pages of the brochure from THRIFTY PRINTS, INC.
That is sad - just sad. I can well recall that when the late Dean, Jr. was head of our DAXPrint™ Division whenever we sent out a similar ‘’sell piece'’ we would all manually scrutinize every single piece - each side - even if there were thousands in the mail drop:
We did not want anyone to see a ‘’crappy printed piece'’ - and yes, it DOES happen on occasion even with the finest, most expensive equipment. I won’t go into all of the technical reasons WHY (low ink, excessive ink, too much water, etc.), BUT the last thing you want is for a prospective printing buyer to see your work at it’s worst!
And that is precisely what the THRIFTY PRINTS, INC. people have accomplished with their latest mailing. And that is ALL they have accomplished. Too bad . . .
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SHORT TAKES: Have A heart - Save A Heart!
$$$: This is nothing short of earth-shaking - although for many of us, ’twill not be a surprise: According to the AMA (American Medical Association) 97% of all fatal heart attacks could be prevented if people ate a primarily vegetarian diet! Care for a carrot . . . ?
$$$: Speaking of good health: A Dutch study that was just released confirms what we’ve been saying for a long time: An increase in folic acid to twice the daily amount most people take - to 800mcg to 1200mcg - greatly enhances one’s memory ability - especially, in the elderly.
$$$: I’ll bet that you did not know this (I didn’t): Black Americans are 50% more apt to start a business of their own than their white counterparts. Since Oprah is the richest woman in the universe, perhaps, we should not be surprised at that statistic! (Or as Hoosiers pronounce it, ‘’satistic'’ - a comment that always gets me in trouble with S.E., our resident Indiana escapee . . . )
$$$: Here’s a potential DAX Double-Whammy for ya: First, go to www.Seniordiscounts.com
Once there, link to ‘’discount search,'’ enter your ZIP and whatever interests you, such as restaurant, lodging, autos, airlines, internet services, etc. For people even as young as 50 there are significant percentage discounts offered by many merchants in your area. You need only know about them and then take advantage.
It is a recent website put up by Doug Brown of Albuquerque, and frankly, we had to jack him up a bit to get him to make the thing work for us. Which makes me think there could be some major improvements and at the very least, another few competitive websites seem only logical. Study it and no doubt you’ll come up with some more ‘’DAX-Brilliant'’ ideas!
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DAX-YAX: Step To The Rear, Please . . .
A woman started to board a bus but a tight skirt prevented her from stepping up. She reached behind and lowered the zipper a bit, but the skirt was still too tight. She lowered the zipper some more, but she still couldn’t get on the bus.
After lowering the zipper even more - and still unable to move - suddenly, she felt two hands on her rear pushing her up the steps. She spun around and exclaimed indignantly to the man behind her, ‘’Sir, I do not know you well enough for you to behave in such a manner!'’ To which the man responded dryly, ‘’Lady, I don’t know you well enough for you to unzip my fly three times, either!'’
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TEST YOUR LITTLE GRAY CELLS: Solution To The Bad-Running Ford Problem
The Ford engineer, upon making some additional inquiries, learned that vanilla was the most popular flavor the store sold so, they always kept a big supply of it in a freezer up front near the check-out. The chocolate and strawberry, less popular, were kept with the several other flavors offered way in the back of the store.
Whenever the Ford owner bought one of the flavors stocked in the back of the store, the extra distance he had to walk (both ways) gave his car time to cool down enough so that it would not vapor lock - which it did when he dashed in, bought the vanilla and was back in the car too fast for the engine to cool down.
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©MMVIII Du Vall Press Financial Publications
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